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A Tale of Two Jabronies (Haruto)
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Post by Deleted on Jan 22, 2016 22:50:45 GMT
"So... In all of Naruto... Do you like know who's got the nicest butt?"
These were the words of the stick-like Nikumo as she sat upside down on her couch with her best bud, Haruto, a pile of unopened and opened junk food, sodas and other assorted unhealthy foods strewn both on the coffee table in front of them, but just also nearby. The girl's father would have turned nuclear at seeing such a sight, but she really didn't care. You call it a mess... she called it her own personal habitat. This was HER apartment, and she very well damned was free to do however she was pleased. And she was going to bloody well watch some Naruto being streamed from her laptop to a television while gorging herself on junk food with her best friend thank you.
The taller of the two glanced at her pink-haired, shorter, but more well-toned counterpart, an almost bored look on her face, as if expecting for him to say something otherwise. "What? Don't look at me like that ya freaking weirdo, it's not a rhetorical question. Whose got the nicest butt?"
The girl silently debated to herself about just what she had asked the young man. What the hell was she even talking about anymore? Even she didn't know anymore... The girl slapped her forehead, she having already basically stopped paying attention to the current episode they were watching. "Oh my god, this is exactly what happens every time your over here. We get basically drunk over junk food and soda. Least I can't put on weight even if I tried... If I weren't a twig, I'd become a f*cking balloon." She'd say out loud, not even really paying attention anymore to what they were watching, but not before opening a bag of fried calamari. "I'm just go drown out my sorrows with some murdered octopus... or squid, I stopped caring."
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Post by Haruto Mori on Jan 22, 2016 23:14:09 GMT
"Asuma." Haruto's answer was immediate once he processed Nikky's words after giving her an amused look. He was laying back on the same couch as Nikumo's, it was a tight fit with their position but being the expert couch potatoes that they were, they made it work without any trouble besides a few kicks here and there at first.
"Followed by Kiba, and then Naruto. It's a shame that Asuma got killed by some religious zealot though." Haruto quipped as he munched on some Doritos before slurping down what was left of his soda. How could the male ingest such junk food and not get sick was an art in on itself. It people saw him now they would wonder what evil entity he sold his soul to to even stay in shape like he was now.
He didn't mind the mess one bit, he had show Nikumo his apartment once and the two made a chat about kindred trash souls finding each other.
He snorted at Nikumo's woes before flipping a chip in his mouth once he was done with his Doritos. "Cry me a river, you're still tall as shit." He was still a bit jealous on that fact. "You're like a walking monolith everywhere you go. Meanwhile I get asked if my hair is dyed." He pointing an accusatory finger at the girl. "Which it isn't, by the way."
He was silent for a moment, enjoying the company of a fellow dork before he voiced out a random thought he had. "Yo." He turned his head to stare at Nikumo, in the process dislodged some of the opened and empty bags of junk food to the floor. "Do you ever wonder about doing something productive?"
Knowing that he would get a look in return, he snorted and waved a hand dismissively. "Never you mind, it was a dumb question anyway."
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Post by Deleted on Jan 22, 2016 23:46:21 GMT
Nikumo whistled at her friend's choices on the very lewd question. Of course they'd be all boys... still, she had to admit, they did have quite good tushes. "Ooh, good taste by the way. Not a lesbian, but gotta admit, Hinata and Tsunade are pretty damn fine." She'd comment, not a single bit of regret in her voice. The two had become such close friends that there was basically nothing they couldn't really talk about in front of eachother. There was no such thing as shame in this friendship.
Oh there he went on bout she being a freaking giant and that his salmon pink hair being called dyed. It was a story she's heard several dozen times since when they first met eachother a lil' bit over a year ago, failed to click as girlfriend and boyfriend, then just decided to stick to being platonic buds. "Well pardon ME. Sorry I'm taller than ya by an entire foot. Blame my ma's side of the family for being directly descended from Goliath. And to be fair, your hair looks like you massacred a pink teddy bear and glued it to your head. Just saying."
It was then that Haruto asked her if she wanted to do something productive. Of course she wanted to do something useful with her life... problem is, she was sorta in a endless loop of being paid too little and wasting her money on useless crap she didn't need. She was smart enough to not take a loan though, as that would make her situation even worse if she was unable to pay for it. Plus she had to admit, her current life was pretty pointless in the long run, least it was comfy. "Eh. I mean yeah, I still want to try and go to college someday... maybe try and do some programming someday..." She'd comment, she shrugging as if it were no problem. There WAS a problem, she had just stopped caring a long time ago. "But let's be real, the day that I do something useful with my life is the day Satan arises out of Hell and becomes the democratically elected president of the world."
Still... She had to admit, her friend probably had a better future out for him if he tried... and ya know, wasn't just sitting here watching anime with a girl that he once awkwardly snogged. (They both promised to never bring up that detail ever again.) "Least ya know, you probs have a future. Like your pretty damn good with that guitar of yours. I wouldn't be surprised if one day that actually gets put up to something." She'd comment to her lean amigo, trying to put a positive spin on to things. Haruto's skill at that sorta thing was no joke, that was for sure. Better sounding than being a script-kiddy.
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Post by Haruto Mori on Jan 23, 2016 0:07:52 GMT
"You." Haruto looked mock-offended, even going so far as to throw a pointed look at his best bud. "Would dare to mock my hair?" Haruto huffed mock-indignant as he took off his beanie and scratched his head before putting it back on, somehow making it even more messy than before if that was possible. "Yours looks like it came from the tail of a fox." He threw back at the girl, though there wasn't really any heat to it.
"And I knew you would choose the one who had the biggest knockers." He pointedly looked at her chest before looking back at her eyes, a smile slowly working up across his face at the mention of what he liked to do. "I'd like to perhaps expand on my previous hobby yeah. I like to sing, and my guitarist skills are getting a bit rusty. And I've gotta admit..." Haruto smirked teasingly this time. "I'm awesome with my fingers, I have to be if I'm using a guitar."
He looked back at the TV to see that the episode was almost done. "I'm still taking classes, though I'm thinking about perhaps just doing it online, saving me the hassle of interacting with annoying people." And of course so he could lounge whenever he could in his apartment.
"Though don't sell yourself short, dude." Haruto stretched as he tried to find a comfortable position since his butt was starting to get asleep in this position. "I could never understand a lick of code, I thankfully know enough to use Google and not much else, and people with that kind of skill go up in many places. Hell you could perhaps become quite the hacker and sell the test sheet from off Campus for quite the munnies." He snickered as he nudged her friend. "Eh? Wouldn't that be great?"
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2016 0:54:41 GMT
The girl snorted as Haruto became fake-mad at her, she tossing back the beanie he threw at her. When he brought up her own, she took a moment to take off her own beanie, her long hair finally having some air to breathe. "A fox with rabies. I swear to god this thing is more trouble than it's worth. I am honestly thinking of having it cute. I one time found a freaking cheeto in it." She then sighed. "Then again, without it, I'd look like a freaking dude."
Nikumo's face went puffy as squinted at her friend, then at her own chest. "What can I say? I like me some oppai." She'd say, a look of amusement on her face.
She nodded approvingly of Haruto's own interpretations of his skills. He had alot going for him. She was willing to bet a million yen that he could go and become a famous guitarist or something if he tried. Good thing she didn't have a million yen. "I think you've got the raw talent for that sorta stuff dude. I think online classes are pretty good. You get about the same education for basically free. How I learned how to kinda hack."
Nikumo sorta shrugged at Haruto's comment about she getting into hacking. Hacking is a scary thing, and the most well-paying forms of it are also the most illegal. "Man, don't even talk about that sorta shit. That's like going into some big time stuff right there. The stuff that can get someone like me into jail. Internet is a freaking scary place dude. Like even scarier than 2chan... or for you, Furaffinity." She couldn't help but laugh slightly. Okay, even she had to admit that she was guilty of that once or twice. "Point is, I'm too lazy to go and risk my ass for something like that."
"I will tell ya a lil' story though. Closest thing I've done that's illegal. About a year ago, a bit after I met ya, I found lying on the sidewalk a credit card. It belonged to this really old dude who lives pretty nearby, and before you try and call me out, the dude is kind of a sexist and racist asshole." She'd begin to explain, not at all fond of the man in question. He was a very old man... probably lived around the time of World War II. Anyone who wasn't a pure-blooded Japanese male he gave complete shit to. "Dude's dumb as a box of rocks, so I used it to cash in like 40000 yen worth of Magic Stones on PAD once. Then I gave it back to him, he called me a whore, then I rolled myself me my waifu." She then smiled quite devilishly. "That was a good day."
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Post by Haruto Mori on Jan 23, 2016 1:14:19 GMT
"I once let my hair grow long and passed as a girl once." Haruto commented offhandedly, wondering if he had told Nikumo this story already, he probably did and couldn't remember. "My best friends were kinda shocked when the reveal happened, at least I got a kiss from one of them, in and out of the kimono." Haruto snickered before catching the beanie before putting it back on.
He blushed bashfully at the praise from his bud and nudged Nikumo's leg with his knee. "Thanks, that means a lot." He nodded at her after a short beat, he knew how dangerous that could be, even with the low time stuff like hacking an account from a Role-playing Forum. "I guess you're right, though you could potentially create something amazing, maybe a game? I heard that there are some pretty good fanon games out there, Five Nights at Freddy's comes to mind." He loved that game even if he scared the living shit out of him.
"Oi!" He pointed at her again. "Don't mock my safe haven for furry stuff." He stopped to think for a second and sweatdropped. "Then again, the drama and the stuff you can find there are sometimes just as bad as the dark area of Deviantart." He shook his head and suppressed the images he did not want to relive again.
He looked at her curiously at the mention of her story, it was always a treat to learn more about his best bud, though he almost raised a judging brow at the beginning of her story but refrained once she explained from whom it belonged to. "He deserved it." Haruto stated deadpanly as he finished the last of his bag of chips and nonchalantly let the bag flop to the floor.
If Nikumo wanted him to he'd help her clean it all up later.
"Ohhh, Puzzle and Dragons." Haruto sighed as he remembered that he hasn't log on today, he reminded himself to do so so later on he would receive the login bonus of the day. "I'm still salty that I haven't rolled my husbando, not even once." He looked upward as he sighed again. "One day, Anubis will be in my grasp. I guess I'll have to comfort myself with Vishnu and the others I have collected thus far."
"Ilm was a pretty good roll though." He said with a smirk. "So congratulations." He looked around as the TV now showed a repeated episode of One Piece. "So, what to do... besides being couch potatoes."
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2016 1:48:18 GMT
"You'd make a pretty hot girl." Nikumo couldn't help but snort, she bleaching her brain of said thought. Well, that was something new to hear. Now the idea of Haruto in a kimono was imprinted on her brain. Thanks Jesus.
Game-making was something Nikumo thought to be a bit of an art in it's own right. She actually had in the past wanted to do such a thing, but life has done a good job at getting in the way. "Always worth a go. Maybe I should try and tinker around with some game making programs... I have ideas here and there that might be cool to see."
Nikumo rolled her eyes at Haruto's comment about his supposed "safe haven". "Your safe haven is a realm of trash and degenerates, just like you. Then again, so am I. I doubt we'd be quite the same as friends if we weren't. We have literally no standards. We could probably be in our birthday suits around eachother and not even bat an eye." She'd say, not a hint of embarassment in her tone. She did though glare at Haruto in a comical fashion. "That last comment DOESN'T give you a reason to start now though."
Honestly, all they were doing now was just watching episodes of anime they've probably have already seen before... That was a good question... What WERE they going to do? Then, the girl had a devious idea. A despicable one that would probably have her be cursed by Cyber-God himself. "Oooh... I have an idea." She'd say gesturing the boy to come along.
She'd lead the young man to her bedroom, which was filled with assorted memorabilia of many an Anime series and Videogame series. She'd direct him to a small desk with a very old and outdated computer, she booting it up to the beginning of Windows XP. "I found this old computer in the garbage one day. Filled with useless files and junk, nothing of value." She'd explain before giving a devilish smile to Haruto. "Have you ever wanted to see a computer scream in agony?"
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Post by Haruto Mori on Jan 23, 2016 21:30:17 GMT
"Why thank you." He took her comment as a compliment, even going so far as to look dashingly to the side while stroking his luscious locks of hair like a total dweeb. "Oh really?" He turned back to her, his face clearly showing his interest. "I demand that I test these games if and whenever you make them." He snorted. "You know, as a test subject because people shouldn't suffer with the stuff that you can find for free, or even not, on Steam."
He got up to follow her, once more interest showing on his face but he still continued with his previous statement. "Seriously, there's this Girl Gamer I follow on Youtube, Minx something or another, she's really something else, and alongside a friend they play SoS, or Shit on Steam, which is basically what it says on the tin. It's glorious the kind of shit that you can find strew around in the dirt on that place."
He stopped at her room once he was inside, doing a full three sixty degrees to take everything in before addressing her again. "Really? It must have belonged to someone really old." He brushed a hand against the top of the PC and wrinkled his nose. "I mean we're talking ancient old, these stuff are not even mass produced anymore I believe. And you say you found it on the trash?" He rubbed his fingers, like he was getting rid off any imaginary dust that might have collected on them by merely touching such an ancient piece of technology.
He stopped cold at her tone and turned his head to stare at her. "That depends, I know of a few guys to make it scream, a bat to the interface surely works." One of his lesser hobbies was to find old junk and just bash it with a baseball bat, it really helped to relieve stress and tension. "But knowing you, you have something truly devious in mind." He nodded solemnly and touched his heart. "Teach me the way, oh my Lord Sith."
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2016 21:55:44 GMT
Nikumo nodded at Haruto's comment about both her potentially trying out some game design, plus his experience with another female gamer that he often watched. "You know, it's odd. I never hear anything about female indie game designers... Maybe because there are just fewer girls who are actually into this kind of shit than dudes." She'd say, almost perplexed by that fact. It was certainly true... most young girls spent their time doing girly things like dolls or make-up. Not Nikumo... this was a girl who has spent hours daily emulating video games since she was seven.
Nikumo shrugged when Haruto brought up how odd it was for her to have found a find like this. It honestly was an odd find. She enjoyed going to junkyards as a spare hobby of hers, and she just found the thing lying there, mostly unharmed. Being the hoarder that she was, she couldn't help but take it. "You'd be surprised the crap you find in trash. People are so wasteful. If your going to throw away something useless or outdated, at least have some fun with it or something." She'd say as she sat down on the computer chair, she already booting up a very outdated Internet Explorer.
"So here's the idea my fellow gremlin... we are going to make this computer wish it was never born." She'd say, already in the process of typing up on a English language Google. "So... there's this program that I've heard an inkling about called 'Lose/Lose'. Its basically malware disguised as a game, though it basically gives you a straight up warning that this thing is no joke. It's like a crappy Space Invaders clone, but the aliens you kill are the files on the computer. It actually will delete random files from the drives each time you kill one... so it's basically digital hara-kiri." She'd explain briefly as she clicked on various links, eventually downloading something. The girl would briefly take a moment to go to her downloads folder, making several dozen copies of the game, with the knowledge that it deletes itself after you die ingame. "If that doesn't cause it to fatally crash soon, then we can just load this shit up with as many viruses and useless shit as possible until it sorta just bricks."
Finally, the moment of truth. Opened up in a window was a black background with a warning written in red, explaining the dangers of the program. The girl swiveled around to her friend, she getting up then offering her seat. "Man the artillery turrets captain."
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Post by Haruto Mori on Jan 23, 2016 23:17:12 GMT
"It's a damn shame though." Haruto spoke as he watched Nikumo work her magic on the computer, he winced outwardly at the sight of Internet Explorer, even going so far as to hiss at it. "I cannot believe that that thing is still alive to this day." Considering how far electronics and the like had come and go, you would think that Internet Explorer would become a shadow in the dark.
He was silent as Nikumo explained about a truly devious yet wonderful program, his eye widened at the implications and how dangerous it truly was. "Wow... that's... that's actually amazing." He blinked owlishly before a thought occurred to him. "I wonder what is the highest score, since you just said it can delete anything, it could potentially delete something on the hard drive on the first try. Though I guess that won't matter soon, eh?" He smirked as he took the offered seat with a graceful bow, soon enough he was away exploding pixelated aliens and destroying useless and important file data from this old piece of junk. "Let's rock and roll!"
Finally he died at score 69, and he couldn't help but snort at it. "I guess it is a sign of the fates themselves. I'm truly a yiffy piece of trash." He sighed melodramatically as he stood up from the chair. "Now I just need to be filthy rich, design myself a fursuit and I'd be set." He idly spun the chair with a hand while giving Nikumo a lot. "What now, oh Captain my Captain?"
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Post by Deleted on Jan 24, 2016 0:23:59 GMT
To her delight, Haruto was on board with the plan. She eagerly began to watch the young man begin his genocide of the computer's files. When he eventually did die, she actually almost took offense at how low his score was... that and how perfect of a time it was for a joke. "Screw you with that weak ass score, I bet you died on purpose. Move over and let the wizard do her work." She'd then challenge her friend, taking control of the system.
Compared to her friend, the girl was much better at avoiding being killed by the horde of self-defending aliens, she managing to out score Haruto by nearly twice over. All those time playing bullet hell games made this very trivial. Eventually, around the 220 mark, the screen of the computer suddenly froze, it being replaced by a blue error screen. To the girl, it was a scene of beauty. "Hahaha! Blue screen of death! I win!" The girl would proudly declare, she getting up and fist bumping Haruto. That was really quick! She had not expected for it to have crashed so quickly, but she did not care. She was thrilled to have killed it so quick!
And then it exploded.
Literally.
With no warning, the ancient device along with the monitor exploded, sending bits of plastic and metal nearby. The loud sound and blast alone was enough to cause Nikumo to screech in surprise, she for a moment stumbling before looking back to the now decimated device, her eyes wide open in disbelief at what just happened. A foul burning smell wafted across the room... and in the remains of both the destroyed monitor and computer, there were two very strange objects.
They were eggs... none like the girl had ever seen before. The oval-shaped objects were highly colorful, but notably larger than pretty much any bird she has ever known. The girl's head was all fuzzy, still not sure as to what exactly had just both happened... but what was actually in front of her. "Dude... am... am I like on drugs or something? I'm not like tripping balls... am I?" She'd ask Haruto, genuine concern in her voice.
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Post by Haruto Mori on Jan 24, 2016 20:02:33 GMT
Haruto's laughter filled the room as he made space for Nikumo to take the reigns. "You got me, I couldn't just NOT, you know?" He snorted out another laugh as he settled to watch Nikumo completely rekt his score and destroy this utter piece of shite technology. Once the Blue Screen of Death made its presence he whooped along with Nikumo, bumping fists together before staring back at the sorry piece of a Computer, what would they even do with it now?
Before he could voice out about taking a bat against that computer, it literally exploded with a bang, throwing pieces of shrapnel every which way, he had to use his arms to cover his face but still an errant piece of metal nicked his cheek, drawing a thin line of blood down his face.
Haruto coughed as the overpowering foul smell almost burned his sinuses, wildly looking around for a window to open up he quickly almost bashed it open to get some fresh air into the room. "God dammit Nikumo! It smells like Boy's locker room in here!" Haruto waved a hand across his face and inhaled sweet, sweet fresh air into his body. "And not even the good kind. Let me tell you that much!" He finally paid attention to his best bud when she called out to him in genuine concern.
"What is it?" He looked back where the sorry piece of a fucking computer stood moments before and blinked twice at the strange sight of two massive eggs standing in its place. "...No, Nikumo..." Haruto said slowly as he approached the eggs cautiously. "We might be kinda stupid at times but never that much to try drugs... though that's probably gonna make us trip some major balls if we ever do, just saying." He voiced almost offhandedly before poking one of the eggs with a finger. "Dude, what even are these?" He went from poking to softly rubbing his hand across its surface to see how it would feel, and almost flinched back when it shivered slightly. "Gah! Dude, it's alive!"
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Post by Deleted on Jan 24, 2016 20:22:44 GMT
"Can you NOT make jokes like that right now Haruto! My freaking junk computer just exploded!" She'd angrily retort for the first moment today was genuinely mad. She loved Haruto to death, but goddammit, he sometimes didn't know when to stop. She coughed slightly from the smell of burnt plastic, but was relieved by the fresh air let into the room from Haruto opening a window. She turned on the fan to further ventilate the air, she taking a moment to try and collect her thoughts.
Much to her frustration, Haruto definitely confirmed that this was not fake. Her computer really did just explode, and left in it's place were two eggs. She really had no actual explanation as to what they were, nor why they were here now. "I... I don't know... I think they are some kind of egg, but I have no idea how those things even got here!" She said, she also experimentally poking an egg. There was a warm, pleasant feel to it... but the girl still had so many questions in her mind. How DID these two eggs got here? There was no way either the computer or monitor could even function if these things were just crammed inside of them... let alone HOW something would actually manage to sneak inside one and lay the egg in the first place. "I really am confused... I don't think even ostrich eggs are this big..."
Despite already getting a bit of a headache from all the stimuli going on, Nikumo tried her best to keep calm, if merely for both their sakes. Only then had she noticed her friend's face now sporting a thin line of blood. She wasn't fond of the sight of blood by no means, but she wasn't disgusted enough to freak out. "Haruto... your face is bleeding." She'd calmly point out to her friend, before motioning for him to stay. "Hold up here... you watch those eggs... I'll find you a bandage or something." She'd say before quickly rushing out of the room. If she remembered correctly, there were some medical supplies she hid in the bathroom cabinets, just in case of emergencies.
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Post by Haruto Mori on Jan 24, 2016 20:55:06 GMT
"Geez, I'm sorry." Haruto grumbled as he now stood about a foot away from those eggs. "You know that my brain-to-mouth filter falters when I'm nervous and stuff." He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly before she pointed out that he was bleeding.
"I'm bleeding?" He almost wanted to touch his cheek but refrained from doing so, the least he wanted was to get it infected with dust and whatever residue of junk food grease were in his fingertips. "R-right, you do that and I'll..." He whirled back to stare at the eggs with a confused expression. "Take care of the eggs?" He asked confusedly at the empty room while blinking multiple times.
"What kind of creature could have laid these babies? Like Nikky said, you guys are too big to even have come from Ostriches..." Haruto wondered to himself as he once more inspected the eggs, This time the white one with red stripes on its shell. "Ugh, I just know that once whatever is inside this thing comes out, it's gonna be hungry and it'll probably eat me..." Haruto shivered as a stray thought hit him, his hand had idly stroke the egg as he mused to himself. "This awfully reminds me of that Alien movie I saw once, with the... facehuggers..." With super speed Haruto was at the other side of the room as the egg started to shake in earnest this time, and like it was following a pattern the other egg was also starting to shake!
"AHH!! FACEHUGGERS!" Haruto screeched as he blocked a clear path towards his mouth so no facehugger would even think about latching to his face.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 24, 2016 21:14:50 GMT
Nikumo while was initially frustrated with how light-hearted her friend was at first, she calmed down quickly, knowing he did not mean any harm. "Is good knucklehead... Just... try and stay calm." She told him before running off. This was all really weird... but
It was barely even a minute since Nikumo even had left to get find her friend a bandage before he started screeching. The girl almost groaned in frustration as she quickly pulled out a carton of bandages and rushed back to the room. "Oh god, can you NOT freak out for even two sec-" She said somewhat irritantly before she saw her friend backed up to the wall, he staring directly at the two eggs, which both were now starting to shake. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what was going. "Oh god... those things are hatching?" She uttered, a look of genuine confusion... unable to imagine what could possibly come out of those two things.
One of the two eggs, one that was tinted violet suddenly began to crack, a piece of shell popping out. It tilted some before accidentally rolling off the desk, the top part of the egg shattering. Nikumo went dead silent as perhaps the strangest living creature she'd ever seen seemed to roll out.
It was a black, spherical like creature covered in what looked like soft fur. The was no sign of a mouth or face really except for two bright yellow eyes. It lacked absolutely no limbs, and its tiny size made it resemble a plush toy than a animal. "Uh..." Was about the only thing she managed to let out as the creature seemed to begin exploring it's surroundings. "I... am at a complete loss for words." She'd say aloud, even she being not sure as to what to say.
Still inside the egg, another set of eyes opened for the first time. It felt tired... it was so bright out. She didn't want to come out. Instead, she stayed in the comfort of the darkness of the egg shell, sitting next to a strange device. It did not appear the giants noticed her. That was for the better.
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