MPC 68B: Time Capsule

MPC: 68B: To Whom It May Concern

Reward: Posts

From: d_santos@emailservice.com.uy

To: d_santos@emailservice.com.uy

Date: November 6, 2019.

Subject: Where Do I Even Start?

Dear Diego,

It's me. You. Diego. Something happened. Something went wrong. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to hang onto my own sanity and free will, and I wanted to put something down on paper about it. I understand if the future me reading this (or anyone else for that matter) doesn't believe this, and if you don't I already have something I want to say: good. Don't believe it. It's all fake, all of it. It's all illusions and your mind playing tricks on you and... "stress." That's what Dr. Suzuki says, anyway.

He told me it would be therapeutic to put my thoughts down in an email to myself, but it's not working. I can feel myself getting more and more scared with every letter. I can hear her whispering. She says she won't stop me from writing this, but she took over my body once before even though she promised not to. I don't know if I can trust her anymore. I mean, I could never trust in her existence, but now... I'm afraid I can't trust her integrity either.

I think our connection is getting stronger, but I don't know exactly what that means. When she took over my body, I turned into... her. Her- the monster. I was her. I felt like me, but I wasn't in me. I can't explain it. I've had these hallucinations before, but this was like a completely different state. Dr. Suzuki said it was called a "psychotic break," and it means that for a second I completely lost touch with all of reality for a while. I could have hurt myself really badly. I actually did hurt myself really badly. I imagined being burned, and I did get burned. Dr. Suzuki saw it. But he thinks I actually did it to myself. God, I... I don't even remember it. It seemed so real at the time.

I'm afraid I'm getting worse. Psychemon's been telling me to go with her to her world and put the rest of her back together. She's in... pieces. I think that's how it works. Psychemon is actually just one piece of something else, something bigger. She says she needs them all to get out of my head and revive herself in the real world. How am I even supposed to tell anyone about this? I'm afraid that if I do what she says, I'm gonna break again. I'm scared that if I start to believe her, I'll start to believe in reality less. But the thing that scares me most of all isn't what might happen if I believe her. What scares me more than all of that is the fact that I actually am starting to believe her.

There are others like me. At least... I think there are. I think I met one. His name was Tetsushi Shishidou. He's just a kid, but he had this- this creature with him. Like Psychemon, but not like Psychemon. He was male and a bear and... physical. Not in Tetsushi's head, but in the "real" world. Other people saw them, too. Here's the thing: I looked up all their names in the student registry just to prove to myself they weren't real. They're real people, though. I saw the names myself. I even showed them to Dr. Suzuki to make sure my mind wasn't playing tricks on me, but no matter how much he asked I couldn't tell him why. I know he's getting concerned about me, too. I... I don't know how to explain that.

I'm writing to you - me - because I don't ever wanna forget who I am NOW. I'm scared that I will. My doctor intended for this to be a venting exercise, but I think I passed that three paragraphs ago. Now I'm just rambling, and I can't stop. I might get better, and if I do I want to remember just where I was and how bad I got. If I can remember where my rock bottom really was, and making it out OK, maybe it'll help me later in my life. I think I read a quote about that somewhere, but I can't remember it. God, I hope I get better.

Please let me get better.

PLEASE LET ME GET BETTER!

PLEASE LET ME GET BETTER!

PLEASE LET ME GET BETTER!!!!!!

PLEASE LET ME GET BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But the other reason you're writing to me is because like I said I think I'm just getting worse. But right now I still know who I am, and I know the difference between me and her. I know the difference between reality and... her place. The digital world. And maybe, just maybe, if I read this when I get really, really sick... maybe it'll help me get better. Maybe it'll help me remember and stay HERE, not THERE. One thing's for sure: the medicine isn't working. If anything it's just making me worse, but I'm afraid to tell Dr. Suzuki that. I'm afraid to admit it just to myself. If the medicine is doing nothing, or just making me worse... does that mean it's over? Does that mean there's nothing? Am I just gonna wind up in a straitjacket buried in a hole where the world can forget about me? Am I gonna die from something I don't even know I'm doing, or am I just going to wish for it every single day?

One last thing. Like I said... I'm starting to believe her. I saw the digital world. I touched it. I melded with her body and got her powers and reached through the portal and... all of it. I don't know how to disprove it. No one has so far, not to me. So the on the really, really, REALLY low chance that SOMEHOW it's all REAL, and I'm ACTUALLY going on a quest to put Psychemon back together... I wanna write a goodbye.

Mom, Dad, you've done everything anyone could want from you, and I love you so much. If I disappear into the digital world - for real, or not - I love you, and I'm sorry, and god I love you so much. I'm sorry I touched the little statue and started all this. You deserved better.

Love,

Diego Lacosta Santos... and Psychemon.

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Word count: 1,067