(MPC 68X/48C) Rememberance
Nov 29, 2019 11:10:04 GMT
Post by Makoto on Nov 29, 2019 11:10:04 GMT
This loose half-canonish half-stream of consciousness MPC is based upon 48C - On The Third Day
I'd like bits for this, please..!
...
... Death is... Certainly a strange thing, to say the least.
I don't think that I could ever get used to it, the feeling of fading away - of coming apart - yet existing still, simply waiting to be put back together in a smaller - and sometimes different - shape.
And in waiting like this, it's simply me and my thoughts; my mind wandering towards those final moments of mine, and going on repeat - again, and again, and again.
And in remembering, I can only come to one conclusion: the conclusion, that remembering hurt.
To remember the past, it was hurting me. To remember the past, it was hurting Joker.
Wouldn’t it be better to not remember the past? Or, at the very least, to not remember it immediately? To start with a blank slate, and see where this time around would take me..?
I would likely forget many things at first, anyways. To be reborn meant that I would be in a much smaller body. A younger, smaller, form that couldn't handle all the data that was Me. To be able to fit everything into that body, to fit those memories of mine into that small and young mind, things would have to be shaved away.
The meaningless memories would be among the ones to go first; the things that we only passingly remember, yet do not cling to. That's okay. I did not need to remember the things I've eaten, the dull evenings spent wandering the ridges of the Cliffs of Chaos, nor the digimon I've met only once or twice in my life; only to go our separate ways.
My oldest memories, too, would go. Memories from what almost feels like an eternity ago, the things that occured to me many lives ago; yet had enough of an impact or sentimental value to stick with me to now. Of course, though... Impact tends to fade, with the passing years. And sometimes memories - even the ones you treasure most - will ultimately end up forgotten when you wait long enough.
And while they wouldn't be lost or forgotten forever... I'd consciously - and, perhaps, almost subconsciously even - shove down the past memories that remained. I didn't need to remember them immediately - and, as before, I didn't want to remember them immediately, either. It hurt, to remember; and I wanted to spare my next self the pain of remembering those more hurtful memories. Let the 'Me' of this time around be a blank slate.
Let the 'Me' of this time around start from scratch; and let her decide what to do, with the memories that will inevitably leak in as she gets older. It'll be her choice, whether to remember the glories her past selves once achieved. It'll be her choice, whether to remember the ups and downs of the lives of olde. It'll be her choice, whether to remember the digimon she once loved and called a dear friend...
... And it'll be her choice, whether she decides to just pass them off, as a vivid dream.
...
... Perhaps this, too, is a selfish notion of mine, though. Perhaps Joker will realize that I'm purposefully shoving down these memories, that I want to not remember them. Perhaps he'll seek me out, in the Village of Beginnings; and perhaps he'll be hurt, if we meet and I do not recognize him again immediately. Or perhaps... He'd understand, why I'd like to try not remembering, this time around.
I do not want to dwell on that, though... To do so makes me recall the hurt I caused him. Hurt that could've been avoided if, perhaps, our lives had been kinder to us. If we had made different decisions.
However this 'Me' comes out, I simply want to try - for once - to avoid the pain. Let me be a little selfish, is all I ask. Perhaps, this life, will be just a little kinder to us all.
It's certainly what I hope for.
As more time passes, I can feel myself being compressed down in preparation; I can feel those older, fainted, memories being left behind. It won't be long now, until I'm reborn; and I can't help but wonder, what this next life will bring with it...
... Well, regardless of what happens, this is just another Act in my story, isn't it? Even if I forget everything, I'd still be an Actress, at the heart of it all.
I'm sure things will go alright, this time around...
...
It'd be a bright and sunny day in the Village of Beginnings; a day that was just like any other. Even given the circumstances of today - a hatching egg - it'd still be like any other day; as this was the birthplace of most Digimon in the Digital World, after all.
Including a little Pallomon, the red-and-yellow Fresh digimon sleepily shaking away the eggshells that clung to it, as they hatched. "Well, would you look at this one?" The Elecmon looking over the egg would coo - the electric beast reaching down to pick up the Pallomon, cradling them in his arms. "Aren't you just a little cutie? Gonna have to get you swaddled up and in a crib, and prepare some formula, and.. Gah!"
The Elecmon would let out a startled yelp, as the Pallomon - a lot more energetic than one would initially think, and seemingly unhappy at being cradled like this - suddenly would chomp down on his forearm! It didn't hurt, per se; but it certainly was startling for the caretaker, who would stumble briefly, before laughing. "Feisty one, aren't you? Something tells me you're going to be quite the cute little handful, when you start getting to In-Training, ahahaha..!"
The Pallomon would only babble briefly in response; fussing about somewhat in the Elecmon's arms, but otherwise settling back down. The Elecmon chuckled in response; patting their head. "There there; I'll get you all set up and fed just in a minute, okay?" He'd attempt to placate the Fresh digimon; even if it was unlikely that they understood him at all. "Though, I wonder... Perhaps we should give you a name?"
Typically, digimon picked out their own names, unless first named by a parent or parent figure, but... He and his fellow Elecmon and Swanmon peers were parent figures, in a way, weren't they? Giving this little one a name seemed appropriate.
"Hm... How about... We call you Makoto?" The Elecmon suggested to the Pallomon - which, the little Pallomon would only babble briefly in response; though otherwise did not seem to have any problems with it. "Haha; sounds good, then. Makoto it is..!"
I'd like bits for this, please..!
...
... Death is... Certainly a strange thing, to say the least.
I don't think that I could ever get used to it, the feeling of fading away - of coming apart - yet existing still, simply waiting to be put back together in a smaller - and sometimes different - shape.
And in waiting like this, it's simply me and my thoughts; my mind wandering towards those final moments of mine, and going on repeat - again, and again, and again.
And in remembering, I can only come to one conclusion: the conclusion, that remembering hurt.
To remember the past, it was hurting me. To remember the past, it was hurting Joker.
Wouldn’t it be better to not remember the past? Or, at the very least, to not remember it immediately? To start with a blank slate, and see where this time around would take me..?
I would likely forget many things at first, anyways. To be reborn meant that I would be in a much smaller body. A younger, smaller, form that couldn't handle all the data that was Me. To be able to fit everything into that body, to fit those memories of mine into that small and young mind, things would have to be shaved away.
The meaningless memories would be among the ones to go first; the things that we only passingly remember, yet do not cling to. That's okay. I did not need to remember the things I've eaten, the dull evenings spent wandering the ridges of the Cliffs of Chaos, nor the digimon I've met only once or twice in my life; only to go our separate ways.
My oldest memories, too, would go. Memories from what almost feels like an eternity ago, the things that occured to me many lives ago; yet had enough of an impact or sentimental value to stick with me to now. Of course, though... Impact tends to fade, with the passing years. And sometimes memories - even the ones you treasure most - will ultimately end up forgotten when you wait long enough.
And while they wouldn't be lost or forgotten forever... I'd consciously - and, perhaps, almost subconsciously even - shove down the past memories that remained. I didn't need to remember them immediately - and, as before, I didn't want to remember them immediately, either. It hurt, to remember; and I wanted to spare my next self the pain of remembering those more hurtful memories. Let the 'Me' of this time around be a blank slate.
Let the 'Me' of this time around start from scratch; and let her decide what to do, with the memories that will inevitably leak in as she gets older. It'll be her choice, whether to remember the glories her past selves once achieved. It'll be her choice, whether to remember the ups and downs of the lives of olde. It'll be her choice, whether to remember the digimon she once loved and called a dear friend...
... And it'll be her choice, whether she decides to just pass them off, as a vivid dream.
...
... Perhaps this, too, is a selfish notion of mine, though. Perhaps Joker will realize that I'm purposefully shoving down these memories, that I want to not remember them. Perhaps he'll seek me out, in the Village of Beginnings; and perhaps he'll be hurt, if we meet and I do not recognize him again immediately. Or perhaps... He'd understand, why I'd like to try not remembering, this time around.
I do not want to dwell on that, though... To do so makes me recall the hurt I caused him. Hurt that could've been avoided if, perhaps, our lives had been kinder to us. If we had made different decisions.
However this 'Me' comes out, I simply want to try - for once - to avoid the pain. Let me be a little selfish, is all I ask. Perhaps, this life, will be just a little kinder to us all.
It's certainly what I hope for.
As more time passes, I can feel myself being compressed down in preparation; I can feel those older, fainted, memories being left behind. It won't be long now, until I'm reborn; and I can't help but wonder, what this next life will bring with it...
... Well, regardless of what happens, this is just another Act in my story, isn't it? Even if I forget everything, I'd still be an Actress, at the heart of it all.
I'm sure things will go alright, this time around...
...
It'd be a bright and sunny day in the Village of Beginnings; a day that was just like any other. Even given the circumstances of today - a hatching egg - it'd still be like any other day; as this was the birthplace of most Digimon in the Digital World, after all.
Including a little Pallomon, the red-and-yellow Fresh digimon sleepily shaking away the eggshells that clung to it, as they hatched. "Well, would you look at this one?" The Elecmon looking over the egg would coo - the electric beast reaching down to pick up the Pallomon, cradling them in his arms. "Aren't you just a little cutie? Gonna have to get you swaddled up and in a crib, and prepare some formula, and.. Gah!"
The Elecmon would let out a startled yelp, as the Pallomon - a lot more energetic than one would initially think, and seemingly unhappy at being cradled like this - suddenly would chomp down on his forearm! It didn't hurt, per se; but it certainly was startling for the caretaker, who would stumble briefly, before laughing. "Feisty one, aren't you? Something tells me you're going to be quite the cute little handful, when you start getting to In-Training, ahahaha..!"
The Pallomon would only babble briefly in response; fussing about somewhat in the Elecmon's arms, but otherwise settling back down. The Elecmon chuckled in response; patting their head. "There there; I'll get you all set up and fed just in a minute, okay?" He'd attempt to placate the Fresh digimon; even if it was unlikely that they understood him at all. "Though, I wonder... Perhaps we should give you a name?"
Typically, digimon picked out their own names, unless first named by a parent or parent figure, but... He and his fellow Elecmon and Swanmon peers were parent figures, in a way, weren't they? Giving this little one a name seemed appropriate.
"Hm... How about... We call you Makoto?" The Elecmon suggested to the Pallomon - which, the little Pallomon would only babble briefly in response; though otherwise did not seem to have any problems with it. "Haha; sounds good, then. Makoto it is..!"
