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In The Shattered Mirror [Holly]
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Post by Metal Drive on Feb 17, 2019 6:11:57 GMT
"So... do you think you can help her?"
"Of course. I'll help any who earnestly seeks this out."
With an affirming nod, the general would close the door, leaving the Reppamon a moment to compose himself. This space the Reppamon found himself in was once an administrative office beneath the Chaos Colosseum, but at Reppamon's request, the place was converted to one of meditation. Unlit candles lined each corner of the room, a simple, clean mat resting on the center of the floor. Sitting on the far end, Guru closed his eyes underneath his mask, composing himself for what was to come.
To peer into the mind of a young assassin - to see the current state of Holly's psyche.
And yet, the mind of a child... just how much weight does this hold on her?
He'd soon see. For now, the weasel simply tried to clear his mind...
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2019 6:26:10 GMT
To say that Holly didn't understand was an understatement.
Something about clearing her mind of the toxic influence that she had been under. Something about seeing how much damage that the assassin work had done to her. She wasn't sure about how they'd even go about this, she didn't understand the whole mental-scape. She knew her physical form and how it went about and how she was but...
She'd fidget nervously for a few moments and exhale, it was something they wanted to address and something they thought would be good for her. She'd click her tongue against the roof of her mouth and step lightly through the Colosseum. She knew where she needed to go and who she needed to see. She was told that Guru had helped her mother a while ago but not much else and that she would be seeing him as well.
Nervously trotting around the edges of the market she'd work through into the halls proper of the Colosseum. Step into one of the rare elevators that would take her down to the appropriate level. She could feel the stares of everyone that she passed; it was the strangest feeling being out in the open in such a form but anything higher and well... she'd probably make a fuss again.
Looking at the paper that told her where to go she'd trot down the hall and tap her paw against the door; hoping she wasn't interrupting something. Adults always had those meetings and those silly things of planning...
"Mr. Guru Sir? Are you in there?"
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Post by Metal Drive on Feb 17, 2019 6:35:57 GMT
It was difficult to explain what Guru did without experiencing it firsthand, so it wasn't a surprise that Holly would be a little uncertain about exactly what was going on.
Hearing the knock at the door, Guru would give a nod: "Come on in, Holly. Everything's been set up here." As the Meicoomon would step in, the door closing behind the cat, the weasel would give a nod to the mat in front of him. "Please, have a seat."
With Holly sitting across from him, the Reppamon would take a brief glance into her eyes, peering from behind his mask. "Hm... I see the rest might have done a poor job explaining this..." That couldn't be helped, of course. "Before we start, let me ask: how are you feeling right now, Holly? Not so much about 'this', but about yourself." He sounded genuinely curious, no concern yet heard in his voice.
"Feel free to speak openly. I do not share stories with others - everyone is on their own path."
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2019 6:44:27 GMT
Holly would perk up at hearing the reppamon speak and push through the door. Blinking a little bit as she had never seen one before and she felt her curiosity spike a bit. She was halfway across the room already, sort of leaning to inspect the other before she even really thought about it. Her eyes were as wide as dinner plates and there was that little sense of awe when meeting someone new in a safe environment.
"When I was told you were a reppamon I didn't think you'd look so huggable! How do you see with that mask on? Do you miss having thumbs? Wait. Do you have thumbs?"
There was a moment and then she'd take a seat as told and flick her ears a bit. She could feel the flush crawling on her face and she'd look down nervously at his question about how she felt about herself. Then going so far as telling her to speak openly. She'd wring her hands a bit and flatten her ears against her head.
"Scared. Confused. Uncertain... I don't know what's what and it's starting to get harder and harder to know what I'm gonna or supposed to do."
She'd shake her head a little bit and just sort of tug at her ears.
"Ma's a Knight, Da's a Doctor, Sis is a Knight Squire... knight guy... thing and Big Bro is a Knight too and I'm just... I can't be big like that I'm not big like that. And then there's all these people that tell me I can be big or that I don't have to be big and it's..."
She'd deflate a little bit and sigh.
"But then the assassin's say I don't have to worry about that sort of stuff but I do worry about that stuff. Everyone Know's Ma. Everyone Know's Da. They'll know bout me too and... well you've met Da and Ma? You know how they are. How people are going to expect me to be. I've heard hushed whispers of both of them from people. I don't know what I'm supposed to do and that's just the confusing part because people keep telling me that I could do anything but It's not like I can fly!"
The meicoomon sagged a little bit and rubbed at her temples really kind of blabbering at this point unsure of really how or what to address. Because how she felt about herself was just so largely bloody frustrating!
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Post by Metal Drive on Feb 17, 2019 7:02:23 GMT
Such a child-like playfulness!
Guru couldn't help but smile as Holly bolted right in, and asked those rapid questions. As it was, the Reppamon answered them with a wide smile: "I see through small holes in the mask. Never had thumbs, I'm afraid." He gave a chuckle, raising one of his paws to show to the Meicoomon.
Just as he would give his answer, he would also lend his ear. Holly's concerns were... rational, to say the least. She was scared, confused, and uncertain of the big wide world around her, and had no idea what she wanted to be. More than anything, though, he could tell: it wasn't that Holly didn't know what she would be.
It was that she felt like she had to give her decision in the first place..
"Really, I do not envy being a child nowadays... it sounds like they have so much on their plate." Guru gave a short sigh, before giving a nod to the Meicoomon.
"Holly, before we begin, I must say that what you're feeling is natural for someone in your position. For now, I simply want you to observe."
With that, he'd raise a paw, a faint blue light glowing around it. "When you are ready, take my hand. We are going to take a look inside your own mind, firsthand."
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2019 7:16:02 GMT
Holly brightened considerably as he answered her questions. He had small holes in the mask and never had thumbs. Her ears would perk up and she'd lean to look at those paws. It'd prompt her to look down at her own paws and she'd hum thoughtfully. They were so simular yet so different and lord was that a confusing box in itself considering... well weren't they from different families of mons entirely?
"That's really odd, do any of your other forms get Thumbs? Or...?"
She'd flick her ears a bit as he spoke, saying that he didn't envy being a child now days. She'd sort of bury her head in her fluff and flatten her ears quietly. She wasn't really sure what there was to envy about being a child in the first place but...
"It's just really confusing."
She'd look up at guru and blink as he said that it was natural to feel like this especially in her position. Then he wanted her to observe; there was a moment where she felt something deep want her to move away from that faint blue light but she reacted instead by leaning closer to stare at the blue. Blinking firmly as he explained further that when she was ready to take his hand...
"...Look in... my mind? First hand? How... what?"
She'd blink a few times and she felt her curiosity grow by the second. She'd look down at each of her paws and grit her teeth before slowly reaching forward with a paw of her own. She didn't know what exactly he meant by this but... Her ma had trusted him so why shouldn't she? Firmly she'd grasp at his paw and squirm a little bit, unsure of what was going to come next...
Now inside of holly's mind was a lot more... bubbly. Happy, confusing. More colors than actual objects. The residue of time was obvious in places she had been but there was little connecting here or there.
Floating in one place was the library, in skewed knowledge and design. Floor after floor sticking in different directions, colored in different types based on her emotions of the place. The bubbly happy nature of one floor was apparent as it was where she lived.
Luminas was a distant city, bright but with a gloomy underbelly. There seemed to be this dark layer of fear over and over. But one building out of luminas stood out in itself, floating apart but close enough to be connected.
Whitewater was a place that had plenty of things happening at once, confusion was plenty there and it seemed to be bigger than everything else that she had been to.
...And the village of beginnings. A warm, soft place. Where her endless love stemed for with such fierce radiance that it threatened to overwhelm those dark and gloomy places.
Emotions ran thicker than blood here and it there was more good than bad. Confusion was rampant, there was the edge of fear around places she had been.
One black string seemed to run through some of the places. The aching stench of death billowing off of it, but for all it's power it waned in the face of the other emotions.
Her physical form here was also surprisingly coherent. If not warmer, gentler and somewhat more bubbly. She'd look up at him and blink owlishly, unsure of what she was seeing here at first...
"...Mr.... Guru?"
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Post by Metal Drive on Feb 17, 2019 7:33:19 GMT
Confusing was definitely an apt word for it.
Holly's mindscape was as jovial as it was distraught, several 'pieces' of her mind stretched far across the horizon. Luminas, Whitewater, the Village, the Library - young as she was, there was very little that was abstract here, the place largely a bubbly and warm view of the world.
"Hm..." The Reppamon gave a chuckle, nodding towards Holly, gesturing for her to follow along as he padded forward. "I expected it to be something like this. Holly, this is your mind and consciousness. Every part of you is represented somewhere before you here - every emotion and aspiration."
She'd see several as they walked by - a Meicoomon holding a fishing pole near a running stream. One in white doctor's scrubs, walking down another path as she chatted with a Meicrackmon in a teacher's attire. And yet another that just lied on her back, wistfully staring at the moon, reaching out as if she wanted to leap right out and grab it. All of them had smiles on their faces, each an independent dream that Holly wanted to meet...
... But there was another, cast in shadow, grasping at her own head.
"What can I do, what can I do, what can I doooooo!?" Her voice was on the verge of crying, muttering to herself, tapping her head against the wall. "I can be anything? But I couldn't even help Syre with the Seadramon... I burnt the rice when I tried to help mom cook... I still don't know how to really fight, and I keep missing steps..."
Her distraught tone rang out - an undeniably loud voice in Holly's head, one that Guru met with a sad nod.
"I believe she's your sense of fear - one of them, anyway."
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2019 7:41:05 GMT
Holly stared out into that mindscape, hesitance plain on her features. At that chuckle she'd blink and look back at the Reppamon. He expected it to be something like this? She'd rub one of her cheeks and sort of trot after the reppamon, staying fairly close as she was treading in unknown ground here even if it was her own mind. She never quite had been in it like this before!
"...Was... Ma's like this?"
She'd ask curiously, looking up at him before noting the few that they walked past. The meicoomon with a fishing rod made her squirm in place for a few odd moments. The doctor and teacher making her blink in visible confusion... while another just took it easy. Star staring was something that was fun when she didn't have other things to do... The smile on their faces made her feel warm in an weird sort of way and she couldn't help but sigh.
Which will be me...? Which will be...
Then there was the one in the shadows. Holly felt her connection to this one, what could she do? What couldn't she do. She'd bite her lip and flinch at feeling that loud voice in her head; it was deafening to her and she'd grip at her ears for a few moments whining in a somewhat frustrated tone.
"I don't... like it...That wishy washy sensation... It's... just so... Nnngh..."
The meicoomon shook her head and looked away from that fear. She didn't like thinking about that seadramon incident. It hurt to think about, it hurt to think about her sister like that and every little thing that they said hit her solidly in the chest.
"Tch... One... Wait. One of them?"
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Post by Metal Drive on Feb 17, 2019 8:00:09 GMT
"Namely, she's your indecisiveness."
Guru gave a nod, and led on, not wanting to have Holly reflect too long on this one aspect of herself. "As you grow older, such a voice becomes far more quiet, but its in all of our hearts, in our own way. Sometimes its good, and sometimes its paralyzing - for now, its just a voice you have to struggle against... hm?"
That was a bit different. Pressing forward, the path they were on came to a fork in the road, and there, another 'Holly' stood. This one, a MeiCrackmon in Holly's ultimate form, sat on a bench in the middle, a dark hood covering her head. On her left was the trail towards Luminas, to Fall Lane, and on her right, a path that circled back around to the other cities.
This Holly was cold in expression, and very much aware of the Meicoomon and Reppamon in front of them.
"It's the right thing. I can do it." Her voice was both vacant and certain, looking down at her own claw. "I can do the job. I can keep them safe."
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2019 19:37:50 GMT
"Sounds about right..."
Holly mumbled softly and stared at 'her' for a few long moments before padding after guru. Her ears would flick as he explained more about these 'voices'. How they would become quieter, how they would affect her and... Well he stopped short when seeing the next 'version' of herself.
"Makes... sense I suppose... Eh?"
Holly blinked owlishly at seeing this 'holly'. The hood made it hard to really... gauge her; she felt this nervous grip on her 'heart' and the meicoomon took a few moments before nervously sliding behind the reppamon. Putting the other digimon between her and well... 'her'. She didn't feel right looking at this version of herself and it made her extremely nervous.
That cold expression, the awareness of her and her guide. The vacant and certain tone. She'd bite her lower lip, it was the right thing to do? She could do it? She could keep them safe? She'd nervously grip at Guru's side, her ears flattening against her head.
"...She's scary..."
Was this what she looked like when she went on jobs? Was this how other people saw her? Were their fears right about her? Was she just going down a regular path for meicoomons?
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Post by Metal Drive on Feb 17, 2019 19:50:59 GMT
A regular path for Meicoomons?
It was hard to say, at least just from this. As Holly recoiled in fear, and held herself close to the Reppamon, the 'scarier' Holly stood up, slowly stepping forward until she was just a few feet from the smaller cat. There, the MeiCrackmon would crouch down, to look at Holly eye to eye, giving her a small nod.
"I am scary. It is scary. But I am you." Her words were cold but calm, the cat looking over at her shoulder behind the bench - to see a scene with Dark, Peck, Iris, and even Boss grinning over some dice game.
And another, drawing up a building schematic.
And another, of the Impmon giving a sigh as Holly fell off a balance beam.
All memories of Fall Lane itself, the good and the tense, laid out right before her eyes. "They keep me safe. They do 'good'. I keep them safe. I do good."
The MeiCrackmon's conclusion was simple - and perhaps, childish - but maybe something they held close to their heart. In front of Holly, the Meicrackmon would reach into her glove, and hand a black envelope to her, similar to the familiar few that the Meicoomon would have seen before.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2019 20:06:11 GMT
Holly blinked a few times nervously pushing against Guru in an effort to hide from the other much larger cat. Though as they crouched down, holly's ears would flick and she'd be forced to stare this bigger cat eye to eye. Then they spoke, making her freeze for a moment. Those cold calm words resonating oddly with her, she'd sigh a bit seeing those scenes play out again. She remembered those; they didn't hurt to think about.
"...I don't like being scary..."
Holly would mumble softly and shake her head. No she really didn't and it was frustrating to her to see herself portrayed like this in her own mind. Then That simple conclusion came about and holly felt her 'blood' run cold for a few odd moments. They kept her safe? They do 'good'? She kept them safe?
She did good?
She'd bite onto her lower lip and ease away from the meicrackmon. At that black envelope she'd vigorously shake her head not wanting to accept such an item again. That small black thing held a lot of her fears about herself, a lot of stuff she was uncertain about and... things she didn't want to think about.
"If I'm doing good then why don't I remember it? Why don't I remember what I was doing? What I am doing?"
She'd throw the envelope on the ground, huffing in irritation. She didn't like this. She didn't want to be here, she'd grip at guru's side staring up at the meicrackmon in abject fear.
"I don't want to be like this! I don't want to be cold, I don't want to be dark! I don't Want to be scary! I want to be me!"
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Post by Metal Drive on Feb 17, 2019 20:14:39 GMT
Holly was defiant.
As the hooded Meicrackmon spoke, the Meicoomon preferred to deny what was being said to her - going as far as to even toss that envelope onto the ground. Holly didn't want to be dark, nor to be scary.
No, Holly wanted to be Holly.
Even at this, though, the dark specter did not waver, merely glancing down at the weighted envelope that hit the dirt path. "You want to be you? Holly..."
The MeiCrackmon slipped closer, and whispered into her ear:
"Who are you in the first place?"
With that, the MeiCrackmon would vanish into a wisp of shadow, leaving that envelope at Holly's feet, otherwise leaving her alone with the Reppamon. Guru himself looked on as that shadow dissipated, looking down to the defiant cat.
"Do you want to keep going, Holly?"
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2019 20:22:46 GMT
Holly stared up at the other cat, a mix of fear and uncertainty in her eyes. She didn't like this, she didn't like the fear she felt when looking at herself. She didn't like how she looked dark and unfriendly. There was no warmth here. She didn't like that. She'd grit her teeth a bit and sort of push up against the other digimon as 'herself' slipped closer, whispering into her ear. Asking one of the toughest questions she had really ever thought about. It was striking and went to the root of everything.
Who was she?
The meicoomon would flinch as the other vanished in a wisp of shadow; leaving her to stare at that weighted envelope and then to where she had vanished. She'd kick that envelope away from herself and let go of the other digimon with a huff.
"I do! But I know I'm not that! I know I don't want to be that."
Another huff and she'd look rather cross even going so far as to try to punt that envelope away from the both of them shaking her head furiously before turning to guru. She was clearly upset at seeing herself like that, and moving further away from this spot would hopefully help her calm down a bit.
"Tch... I thought helping people would be nice... but it's just making me scary..."
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Post by Metal Drive on Feb 17, 2019 20:35:03 GMT
Very defiant. That envelope wrinkled, further defiled as Holly punted it into the air, a pile of bills spilling out onto the ground as it fell several yards away.
Guru listened cautiously to Holly's words, and with a nod, he'd press on forward. "If it were so simple, Holly." Guru gave a sigh, treading on the path towards the distant Luminas. "Each and every one you've seen here has been you. A you that you are, a you that you aspire to be, or even a you that you deny - they are all part of you."
He glanced off to the left, to see a Meicoomon following after a BlackGatomon, sprinting across a narrow field. "C'mon, we're about halfway there!"
"C-coming!" The cat chuckled, catching her ragged breath as she tried to sprint to catch up, a true admiration for her older sister held in those words. Actually, there was a lot of Syre here: the BlackGatomon smiling as she got her mission license, showing her ultimate form to her younger sister, or even playful spars or board games.
But why was all of it on this path? Was it just chance?
"I see... you share a lot of secrets with her, don't you?"
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