How to Finally Say Goodbye [Solo]
Oct 11, 2019 6:20:41 GMT
Post by Toki Akiyama on Oct 11, 2019 6:20:41 GMT
A train heading towards Ishikawa raced along the tracks, passengers crowded against each other throughout the trip. Toki stood, holding onto one of the handles, his expression cold and lacking much of the bright optimism he’s known for. Everything that has happened to him recently left him drained, confused, and completely exhausted. Despite the crowd, he was alone in his thoughts. What he’s done...did it even matter? Was his shining optimism and happiness more of a harsh reminder of the impossible and simply angered people more than it helped them?
He’s distracted by a slight bump as someone shuffled through. The man looked at him “Hey, why don’t you watch where you’re…” His aggressive tone immediately disappeared when he looked at Toki’s cold, scowling glare “...going? I-I’m sorry, sir, I’ll get out of your way.” He said before shuffling away form Toki.
Toki shook his head slightly, surprised at the man’s frightened appearance. He stared at the window of the train, seeing an almost unrecognizable reflection. Or rather...an all too familiar reflection. Anger and bitterness was plastered all over his face, and his scarred face didn’t really help his case. What he was so scared of was slowly starting to come true. He was becoming more like how he was before that incident back in high school. Lonely and distant, not really giving any consideration or thought to those around him. He looked away, upset with himself.
Maybe his father, Yosuke, would have some advice to give him. This wasn’t what he wanted from himself, and he knew this certainly the sort of life Tsusagimon would have wanted him to lead. Without his guidance, though, how would he really know what was right and what was wrong? Were the decisions he was making after losing him really sound? Could he be relied on like people relied on his spirit? His grip tightened around the handle as he struggled to come up with some kind of answer.
He was interrupted by the train intercom stating that they were about to arrive at his destination. As soon as the train stopped and the doors opened, Toki stepped out with the crowd to look for his dad. He noticed him out near the station entrance and approached. Yosuke saw him and signalled him with a raised hand, though his smile fell slightly as he noticed Toki’s dour disposition. He sighed to himself and crossed his arms as the two of them walked out to the car.
The ride back home wasn’t very eventful with Toki simply staring out the car window most of the way through. Yosuke turned down the radio and spoke first “Come on, talk to me. I’ve had my fair share of loss during my adventures in the Digital World so I understand part of what you’re going through. Some humans...some Digimon...gone. Some of them really close friends that I still think about.”
“Then what’s the point…?” Toki said. “Why make these connections when all it does is hurt when they’re gone? Why help when there are so many people who just don’t understand Digimon? When there are so many that just want them gone without considering them as people? As incredible people like Tsusagimon and K and...I just…don't want people to die because of me. I don't want to let people down...” He took a deep breath and rested his head against his hand, not saying anything afterwards.
“You haven’t let yourself properly mourn them, have you? I can tell with how you’re struggling and forcing yourself to keep a stoic face but I know you. You’re not as cold and distant as you think you are. I don’t know why you’re trying to fool yourself into being some kind of loner who distances himself from everyone but I can guarantee you that’s not what you actually want. And you have never...ever...let me or anyone else down. The only one you're letting down is yourself.”
Toki stayed quiet for the rest of the trip. What did it matter what he actually wanted? People just got hurt around him, so this was for the best. Wasn’t it? Either way, they had made it home. It was a modest suburban home that was just across the street from the family dojo. Maybe this was what Toki needed. A break from Shibuya, a break from the Digital World.
Once inside, Toki went to his room to unpack what he brought over and think about what Yosuke said. He sighed, unsure how to feel about mourning. He didn’t want to seem too emotional. He was supposed to be the one everyone leaned on for support. If he became emotional over this, how would others view him? A voice in his head told him that others would probably see him as a stronger person if he accepted his emotions. He winced at the voice, but couldn’t say they were wrong.
Later, Toki enjoyed dinner with his parents. He hadn’t seen his mother in a while, but she apparently used to go on adventures in the Digital World as well. It was how she met Yosuke too. It was a strange, surreal thing to speak of the Digital World with his family. They all placed their Digivices on the table and all smiled at one another. Toki looked between his mom and dad...the two of them knew each other since back then and remained together...it put some things into perspective.
That night, Toki was in bed, staring at the ceiling as he tried to consider everything. What good was being bitter going to do? It drove people away and...it hurt to see people scared of him. But he was also scared of losing those that were close to him. He looked at some of the things he brought with him. Some manga, some games...he looked through some of the things he read and played when Tsusagimon was around. He found it so endearing how much he enjoyed the stories and games. He thought about when he met K too and how she was so willing to help him when they first met. Their first adventure together when they met Aylin, their conversations outside of Whitewater, the battles they fought together. These were important memories. He couldn’t do this to himself...this isn’t what they would have wanted from him either. Tears streamed down his face as he finally let himself mourn the loss of his dear friends. It was heartbreaking that they were gone, but he held onto those important memories of their good times together.
There was a moment of silence after Toki cried for his lost friends. He looked at his Digivice “Stiffilmon. I...wanted to apologize for how I’ve been treating you. It’s not fair of me to call you some kind of replacement. That’s...that’s not right of me. You saved my life, much like Tsusagimon did. So, thank you. I understand if you can’t forgive me, but I wanted to make amends…”
Stiffilmon’s spirit appeared before Toki “After feeling the sorrow you were building up inside of you for so long, I can’t blame what you thought. I don’t hold it against you, I’m just glad you’re starting to see things clearly. You’ve let yourself hold onto those cherished moments with the others. They may be gone, but you’ll never forget them. I think that’s what your dad wanted you to see. We live in dangerous worlds. The sad truth is that not everyone is going to make it through in one piece, or at all. That’s why those of us who can stand up for them should, right? We can’t do it on our own though. Going it alone is just a surefire way to get into even more trouble.”
Toki nodded as he lied back down “Yeah...yeah, I know.” He sighed. “I don’t want to forget them...what they’ve taught me...but I also can’t let myself be stuck in the past. I need to move forward and help everyone that’s still here.”
“That’s the spirit. Now get some rest. Enjoy your time with your family, and take it easy.”
Before Stiffilmon could disappear, Toki stopped him. He held up a manga volume and gave Stiffilmon a smile. It was a surprising gesture, but Stiffilmon smiled back and the two of them read a little bit before finally getting some sleep.
He’s distracted by a slight bump as someone shuffled through. The man looked at him “Hey, why don’t you watch where you’re…” His aggressive tone immediately disappeared when he looked at Toki’s cold, scowling glare “...going? I-I’m sorry, sir, I’ll get out of your way.” He said before shuffling away form Toki.
Toki shook his head slightly, surprised at the man’s frightened appearance. He stared at the window of the train, seeing an almost unrecognizable reflection. Or rather...an all too familiar reflection. Anger and bitterness was plastered all over his face, and his scarred face didn’t really help his case. What he was so scared of was slowly starting to come true. He was becoming more like how he was before that incident back in high school. Lonely and distant, not really giving any consideration or thought to those around him. He looked away, upset with himself.
Maybe his father, Yosuke, would have some advice to give him. This wasn’t what he wanted from himself, and he knew this certainly the sort of life Tsusagimon would have wanted him to lead. Without his guidance, though, how would he really know what was right and what was wrong? Were the decisions he was making after losing him really sound? Could he be relied on like people relied on his spirit? His grip tightened around the handle as he struggled to come up with some kind of answer.
He was interrupted by the train intercom stating that they were about to arrive at his destination. As soon as the train stopped and the doors opened, Toki stepped out with the crowd to look for his dad. He noticed him out near the station entrance and approached. Yosuke saw him and signalled him with a raised hand, though his smile fell slightly as he noticed Toki’s dour disposition. He sighed to himself and crossed his arms as the two of them walked out to the car.
The ride back home wasn’t very eventful with Toki simply staring out the car window most of the way through. Yosuke turned down the radio and spoke first “Come on, talk to me. I’ve had my fair share of loss during my adventures in the Digital World so I understand part of what you’re going through. Some humans...some Digimon...gone. Some of them really close friends that I still think about.”
“Then what’s the point…?” Toki said. “Why make these connections when all it does is hurt when they’re gone? Why help when there are so many people who just don’t understand Digimon? When there are so many that just want them gone without considering them as people? As incredible people like Tsusagimon and K and...I just…don't want people to die because of me. I don't want to let people down...” He took a deep breath and rested his head against his hand, not saying anything afterwards.
“You haven’t let yourself properly mourn them, have you? I can tell with how you’re struggling and forcing yourself to keep a stoic face but I know you. You’re not as cold and distant as you think you are. I don’t know why you’re trying to fool yourself into being some kind of loner who distances himself from everyone but I can guarantee you that’s not what you actually want. And you have never...ever...let me or anyone else down. The only one you're letting down is yourself.”
Toki stayed quiet for the rest of the trip. What did it matter what he actually wanted? People just got hurt around him, so this was for the best. Wasn’t it? Either way, they had made it home. It was a modest suburban home that was just across the street from the family dojo. Maybe this was what Toki needed. A break from Shibuya, a break from the Digital World.
Once inside, Toki went to his room to unpack what he brought over and think about what Yosuke said. He sighed, unsure how to feel about mourning. He didn’t want to seem too emotional. He was supposed to be the one everyone leaned on for support. If he became emotional over this, how would others view him? A voice in his head told him that others would probably see him as a stronger person if he accepted his emotions. He winced at the voice, but couldn’t say they were wrong.
Later, Toki enjoyed dinner with his parents. He hadn’t seen his mother in a while, but she apparently used to go on adventures in the Digital World as well. It was how she met Yosuke too. It was a strange, surreal thing to speak of the Digital World with his family. They all placed their Digivices on the table and all smiled at one another. Toki looked between his mom and dad...the two of them knew each other since back then and remained together...it put some things into perspective.
That night, Toki was in bed, staring at the ceiling as he tried to consider everything. What good was being bitter going to do? It drove people away and...it hurt to see people scared of him. But he was also scared of losing those that were close to him. He looked at some of the things he brought with him. Some manga, some games...he looked through some of the things he read and played when Tsusagimon was around. He found it so endearing how much he enjoyed the stories and games. He thought about when he met K too and how she was so willing to help him when they first met. Their first adventure together when they met Aylin, their conversations outside of Whitewater, the battles they fought together. These were important memories. He couldn’t do this to himself...this isn’t what they would have wanted from him either. Tears streamed down his face as he finally let himself mourn the loss of his dear friends. It was heartbreaking that they were gone, but he held onto those important memories of their good times together.
There was a moment of silence after Toki cried for his lost friends. He looked at his Digivice “Stiffilmon. I...wanted to apologize for how I’ve been treating you. It’s not fair of me to call you some kind of replacement. That’s...that’s not right of me. You saved my life, much like Tsusagimon did. So, thank you. I understand if you can’t forgive me, but I wanted to make amends…”
Stiffilmon’s spirit appeared before Toki “After feeling the sorrow you were building up inside of you for so long, I can’t blame what you thought. I don’t hold it against you, I’m just glad you’re starting to see things clearly. You’ve let yourself hold onto those cherished moments with the others. They may be gone, but you’ll never forget them. I think that’s what your dad wanted you to see. We live in dangerous worlds. The sad truth is that not everyone is going to make it through in one piece, or at all. That’s why those of us who can stand up for them should, right? We can’t do it on our own though. Going it alone is just a surefire way to get into even more trouble.”
Toki nodded as he lied back down “Yeah...yeah, I know.” He sighed. “I don’t want to forget them...what they’ve taught me...but I also can’t let myself be stuck in the past. I need to move forward and help everyone that’s still here.”
“That’s the spirit. Now get some rest. Enjoy your time with your family, and take it easy.”
Before Stiffilmon could disappear, Toki stopped him. He held up a manga volume and gave Stiffilmon a smile. It was a surprising gesture, but Stiffilmon smiled back and the two of them read a little bit before finally getting some sleep.