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It was a fine afternoon in Ys. It's only slightly on three PM, but the sun is already setting. it creates orange light-bathed city. The twilight certainly gave the city a charm that rarely seen. The contrast between blue and orange usually not so good, yet the blue of Ys are closer to light cyan. Thanks to it, it looked like that the city has become orange. Either way, today...
"Yosh, let's end the practice there. There's not much daylight left, so make sure you guys get properly rested and ready to go home!" Valt declared, both to his apprentices and what looked like assault team cadets. Today was training day for these newbies. The apprentices are here to demonstrate what they know about Valt style training. By the way, they're training not in Cerulean Gym, but somewhere closer to Sanctuarium Unionis.
However, instead of going back to the base, Valt instead walked toward the city, toward a bridge above a canal in the eastern district after telling everyone that he's going to drink for a bit. He seem to bask at the beauty of the sunset while pouring sake. The mood around him was rather serene, considering there are flowering trees around. The petals of the blossoms fell like snow.
When he's sitting like this, honestly his scars looked far more obvious. The image that he exudes looked like a battle worn samurai. Speaking of which, Valt also bit into warmly grilled fish. Looks like he also brought a portable grill with him.
Whilst Ophelia and Skadi was training with Valt, near the Sanctum... Cassie would be wandering the canals of Ys; simply enjoying the sights, as well as saying hello to the people she'd pass. Ever since she had started taking to swimming, it quickly became her preferred form of travel; finding it far easier to swim alongside others than it was to push herself along the ground. Additionally, there was something relaxing about being in the water; something that Cassie wasn't sure if she could really explain. A sense of safety? Belonging?
Perhaps it was something more akin to this just feeling 'right', though. This was an environment that was natural to her, encoded down to her core as a Gomamon - being the semi-aquatic digimon that she was.
Either way though, this meant that she oftentimes spent her free time simply swimming around the canals, exploring the city, and socializing with other townsfolk. It was nice, having so many people to talk to - and having so many places to check out. It was so different from home, up in the mountains, and... Even if, sometimes, she couldn't help but miss home; she also enjoyed the different type of freedom that Ys offered to her. Maybe, someday, she could convince Mom and Dad to come down here to Ys, like how they were going to convince Laertes to come down here, to help with the DATS stuff...
Eheh; it'd certainly be something, she thought, to watch Mom try to adjust to civilized life. Being such a wild digimon, it'd probably take her awhile to get used to it all; she'd probably chase off the neighbors for knocking at her door..! But, it'd also make her a little less homesick, she felt. Really, the biggest part that she missed of home, was her family... Hmm...
Cassie would continue to idly ponder over this ide for a little bit of time as she idly floated along; occasionally kicking with her hind flippers, so as to make sure that she kept moving, and wasn't getting in any other aquatic digimons' ways. As she floated along though - passing under a bridge... She'd come to notice a familiar face, sitting atop the bridge that she ended up floating underneath.
Indeed, she would see Valt sitting on that bridge, with some grilled fish - and what looked to be a portable grill as well, set up by his side. Front-flipping so that she was now floating on her stomach, and facing him, Cassie would take a second before she waved to the V-mon, but when she did... "... Hey, Valt! Mind if I join you up there?"
Valt was slightly busy looking at the horizon that he actually only snapped to attention when Cassie called him. "Oh, whuh!? Oh, hey!" Valt waved back. He set his sake bottle and the cup aside. Cassie wanted to join him? Well ain't that sweet. Little that he know, him sitting there would melt the thin layer of ice forming on the bridge's edge, where he's sitting... "Sure, come up he--!?"
And well, the result was already obvious. He slipped when he was trying to stand up and cannonballed down to the canal below. Mind, he's very sober. Any good lad would get flustered when their crush suddenly came up to them out of nowhere when they're alone and suddenly wanting to spend time with them.
...Either way, even if he was tipsy, the COLD water would immediately snapped him out of it. Valt quickly rose from the water, gasping for air.
Yeah that must be cold. He quickly swam to the edge. Valt rose from the water and immediately rubbed his shoulders after drying whatever left from the water with a towel from infini-store. Homeostasis, kill me right now. I'm a fool who made huge fool of myself in front of my crush. Goddamn, that was so not cool at all!
Cassie wasn't sure what she expected, in calling up to him, and asking to join him... But it certainly wasn't Valt practically cannonballing into the water, sending up a spray as he splashed down...! Cassie would be unable to help a squeak - "Eep..!" - as she ended up hit in the face with the resulting splash - more surprised than anything - before glancing over to Valt, as he surfaced.
Thankfully, he was able to pull himself up onto land just fine - Cassie not being far behind as she pulled herself up after him - though, she still couldn't help some concern. "Are you alright, Valt..?" Cassie would ask; seemingly unawares of Valt's inner thoughts. "You seem really cold..." She'd murmur softly in observation; coming up close to him, and lifting a flipper so as to... Was she offering to warm him up by sharing body heat??
Perhaps, were Cassie an actually civilized digimon, she'd more quickly realize that this probably would be an awkward thing for the digimon crushing on her... But at the moment, she just didn't want him to get a cold or hypothermia, from the cold water...! Besides; she and Ophelia were comfortable with close contact with anyone - which probably didn't help, in her inability to realize this.
Regardless of whether Valt would take her up on her offer or not, though.. She'd tilt her head briefly at him - asking "What were you up to, sitting on the bridge there, Valt...?"
Is he alright? Honestly he wanted to say no, but his pride, through chattering teeth, forces him to give Cassie a thumbs up with a grin. Yes, that's it. It's the dragon pride that forced him to grin like this, right? However, something just... heats him as fast as being hugged by Cassie herself. The Gomamon X is offering to share warmth with him?
HUG HER YOU FOOL. SHE'S OFFERING, AND YOU KNOW YOU WANTED TO!
...or at least, that's what his idiotic mind said. However, Valt obviously have more self control than that...
Not really, he hugged her
ok, no, he actually enjoyed the warmth of her body. It made him feel alive.
"U-um, w-why don't I just carry you to the top of the bridge, Cass? The grill is there, and it's warmer there..." It's indeed a valid way of thinking. After all, it's warmer there than here, the edge of of the canal. Thankfully there is small stairs (and lift for the aquatic quadrupeds) to get to the top of the small bridge. If Cassie consented, Valt would carry her back to his sitting spot. The grill thankfully does not burnt his fish... but considering that they're only down there momentarily, this should be given.
"Anyway, want to eat?" He offered a well seasoned fish at her, of course after gently putting her down.
Cassie would giggle gently, as Valt - after giving her a quiet reassurance that he was okay - would accept the hug, wrapping his arms around her. Their shared warmth felt nice; Cassie always enjoyed a little bit of contact with those close to her, and the fact that she was able to warm Valt back up made her happy..! She'd happily wrap her flippers around him in turn; not afraid of accidentally knocking him over, with the fact that Valt was probably plenty strong enough, to handle her!
Which, speaking of handling her... Valt would offer to carry her up to the top of the bridge, where it's warmer, as well as where the grill was. The notion would make her think a bit; bringing a brief flush to her cheeks in the process as it finally clicked for her that they were... Actually kind of getting close, weren't they?
It'd take her a second to respond, in finding her words, but... "... Y-yeah! Sure!" She'd smile to Valt; shifting a bit in his arms to get comfortable, and to make carrying her up to the top a bit more convenient for him. This was fine, this was okay... She enjoyed being this close to him! But...
... She briefly couldn't help but wonder, what was him just being nice to her, and what was him actually courting her?
For example, the food... She'd happily accept the fish with a soft "Thank you..!" as Valt offered it to her, and begin nibbling on it. Mom had always taught her that she needs to find a mate who could provide for her and any cubs they had; and being able to cook was, in a way, like that... Right? Well.. The fish certainly was delicious, either way; her tail briefly wiggling as she nibbled down on it. "Yumm...!"
As she ate though, she'd glance over to Valt; gently tilting her head like a curious puppy. "You never did answer, though... What're you up to, up here...? Just hanging out?"
Cassie's body is hefty, considering it's part muscles and also blubber, but then again, Valt doesn't mind this. In fact something about feeling her weight made him happy somehow. Perhaps because it adds the weight of the situation that she is here? Also, feeding the seal cub definitely made him happy too. Valt wiped his previous spot, making sure that there won't be any wet leftovers. He now sat facing Cassie.
"Hmmm? Oh right, I was going to answer, but the cold get to me... Eh, to say it simply, I'm just... thinking about the past I guess. You know, it's been... what, twenty or something years Digital World time since I born? My first adventure was like some far off story..."
Valt bit on his fish, then took out his next food of choice...sausages. It's still inside its packaging.
"...There were meetings, bonding, fighting, separating, and goodbyes... sometimes the kind that you initiated, but there are also the kind that you had no idea why and it just... hit you straight on the face. Today when training the newbies, I saw me in the past in them... and before I knew it, I just felt melancholic I guess... And suddenly I'm in mood to drink! So I drink in memory of friends I lost in the past... I guess."
Valt's gaze felt faraway and longing, and he sipped his sake again.
Cassie would be curious, and quiet, as she listened to Valt's response; the Gomamon-X easily settling down next to him as he explained why he was up here, hanging out on the bridge. All the whilst, they'd be eating fish together, with the warmth of the grill helping ward off the cold, and watching the falling petals that would drift down into the canal below...
Admittedly, while Cassie did know that Valt was older than her by a decent bit, she never did properly consider just how old he was; to the point that he even had had his own first adventures a long time ago, perhaps even before she and Ophelia ever hatched...! The little Gomamon-X's silence would become more contemplative at this thought; listening as Valt discussed all the different things that he had been through, and explained the mood that it had all put him in that led him to coming up here.
Cassie's silence would draw on for a few moments longer, as Valt stared off into the beyond and sipped his sake; mulling over the words he said, and considering what she herself might say, though...
... This was a bit of a complicated subject, wasn't it?
... Eventually, the little seal would decide to just, simply scoot over a little closer to Valt; resting a flipper on his leg in a gentle, comforting gesture. "... It sounds like you've been through a lot of stuff... A lot of hard stuff, at that..." Cassie would murmur; resting her chin on her other flipper. "... I know I certainly wouldn't want to separate, or say goodbye, to you guys; I want to be able to have those adventures, and spend time with you all, for as long as I can..! But..."
"... I suppose that sometimes isn't very realistic, huh?" Cassie seemed to be trying her best to empathize with Valt, and his troubles; trying to find the words in both her own emotions, and the emotions that she picked up from Valt.
Cassie's flipper on his leg felt comforting. Valt took a piece of his grilled sausage and pops one to his mouth. He fed another at Cassie after blowing it some. He grinned and poke her cheek in gentle, teasing manner.
"Of course no one would want to get separated from their dear friends, and I'm sure no one would like it that they get separated from such cute seal as yourself huh?"
There's just something with Cassie that calmed him down in many ways, Valt admitted that. The Gomamon X definitely is cute. Her bravery in golden week event made him admire her. There's just something that he felt moved him there. The Vmon feeling toward the Gomamon X is definitely something like a crush... and being comforted in this way just made him warm inside.
"....I too don't want to be separated from anyone. But yeah, it's not realistic... especially in our line of job... I think everyone knows how very bad it is when someone die... that's why KIZNA's #1 rule is to not die. You're not allowed to. Because there are people who are waiting you home... that's what the deal with the rule is. I discussed it with Hikaru the first time we made this rule... and that's what he said. I asked, "isn't it best if camaraderie is the first?" and he said "no, you can fix relationship, get over a fight and laugh again tomorrow, but only if you survive"."
Valt rubbed his neck, where a scar could be seen. "...I'm admittedly not as good in keeping that promise... well my last reformat was before KIZNA's birth. Anyway, uh... I rambled on, huh? But don't worry Cass... if I can help it, I won't do stupid things either. Living is good, that's all."
Cassie, initially, would fluster at being offered a piece of the sausage; being hand-fed like this... She wasn't sure how to feel of it..! Her cheeks would turn red as she ate the offered piece of sausage; though, she couldn't help but wonder if this was, perhaps, a little bit 'close'? Either way, she wouldn't think on it for long; squeaking softly in surprise as she was snapped from her thoughts by the cheek poke, before giggling briefly.
Being called cute, though... Her cheeks would only grow redder at this; proceeding to hide her face behind her flippers, as she flopped onto her side. "Aaaaaa..!" She'd make a strained, flustered noise in her throat; though the way her tail was practically wagging at this attention was undeniable. "Gryz wasn't kidding, then...!" She'd mumble softly from behind her flippers, without necessarily thinking. Valt, indeed, found her cute... Why did that notion make her feel so sheepish, yet happy as well?
It'd take her a moment to regain her composure; rolling back upright, a little closer to Valt this time - though her cheeks were still flushed. She'd otherwise be listening closely, though, as Valt continued to speak; explaining the logic behind KIZNA's first rule - which was to not die. To live, to survive, because there were others who were waiting for you to get home safe... She would nod in understanding; it all made sense to her, really.
As he continued though, she shook her head. "It's okay to ramble, Valt... I like listening to you." The little seal would murmur; leaning against Valt's side, now. "But... I definitely would like to see you live long and happy, y'know?" She'd glance up to him - noting the scar on his neck. She couldn't help but stare briefly - perhaps long enough for Valt to notice, if he was paying attention - before glancing down at her flippers, thinking quietly.
"... What's... Reformatting, like, though?" She'd ask softly; a certain degree of hesitance to her tone. "Me and Ophi, we... This is our first life, I guess? We were born from Mom and Dad, so we've never experienced actually, well... Dying and reformatting."
Hmmm? Is she always this shy? And then he... remembered that she practically heard from someone that he felt that she's cute... and she know about it... only now that he know that the guy is apparently Gryz. "...That damn Bearmon," Valt muttered under his breath. "So it was him, huh..."
Though the reassurance that she liked listening to him made Valt blink. Huh, why is that? "I thought people dislike hearing other people ramble honestly. I thought they don't like it because they felt like they're ignored?"
The comment about him having a happy, long life made him chuckle. "Yeah, honestly me too. I would like to... have a long life. Possibly having a family, and just... finally take a proper retirement from the frontline. Maybe not forever, but I do want to kick back sometimes and just let the youngsters take the helm. I guess that's why I began to train disciples I guess... Part of it also is because I want them to survive."
Valt did notice the stare on his neck. "This? Got beheaded," he answered, perhaps a bit too frankly for comfort. "But it's OK. Well... how to say this... Reformat.. is a strange feeling. It doesn't feel hurt, but if you died when you're high level, you most likely will experience some... difficulty in adjusting. Sometimes you can't access your higher form because your higher form is still reformatting after you hatched. There are also times where your new body can't handle the massive amount of data from your old body so you spontaneously evolved and just... go wild.
I was used to be a Dracomon... but when a reformat or death happened, usually you lost some part of your data, or your data shifted around. And what came out most is my heavy attacker data..."
Valt then evolved by himself to XVmon. He spreads his wings open. "See, my wings are bigger than most XVmon. However, it's also less stiff in some part because of my Coredramon data. Though..." Valt flexed a bit. "These strength are more to my own doing, heh heh~ Anyway... usually reformatting... works differently between normal Digimon and partnered one. Partnered one is more likely to retain all their memories, due to their strong bond with their human partner and the Digivice having backup memory function... that can't be said the same with Solo Digimon though..."
At Valt's response regarding rambling, Cassie couldn't help but smile reassuringly to him; giggling softly. "Well, I mean... You're rambling because you're comfortable, right...? And rambling means you're getting all of this off your chest, too...! I'd say that it's a good thing that you're rambling, personally... Cause you're talking about your feelings, or the things you really like, or just whatever is on your mind...!" And, there was something nice in just... Listening to him. It was hard to say what about it she liked, exactly, but she enjoyed listening to people, listening to them talk about their thoughts and feelings... "Maybe it is hard for some people to say their piece, too, if someone's rambling, but... I think that it's okay if I have to wait for a tiny bit, personally."
The mention of having a family and retirement, though... Made her think perhaps a bit too hard on it; her cheeks dusting pink once more. To have cubs... ... What would her cubs be like? Would any of them be strong or tough like Mom, or Ophi... Or Valt...? Ahhhh, she couldn't help but briefly rub her face in an attempt to get her mind back on track, making a brief flustered sound into her flippers. She definitely wouldn't say that this was a bad idea; but she certainly was having a hell of a time with her nerves...!
To hear that Valt had gotten beheaded once, though... That certainly caught Cassie's attention; the Gomamon-X's eyes snapping towards him. "B-Beheaded?!" She'd exclaim; a definite hue of shock and concern over her face. Before she could question him further though, he'd briefly reassure her, and go into the subject of what reformatting is like.
The idea of dying, and then being born again, though... It... Certainly was a thought; the idea of having to adjust to a new body, of adjusting to being small again... Even the idea that, if she got big enough - then reformatted - that her new body might not be even able to handle it...! Cassie frowned deeply, at all of this; though continued to listen nonetheless...
... until Valt reached the point, where he would digivolve into XVmon...! Cassie would briefly forget her previous ambivalence to the idea of reformatting - instead feeling a certain awe in seeing this form of his, in watching him show off his large wings... Valt was quite a big 'mon, in multiple regards, it seemed. "So cool..." She'd softly breathe, to herself; unable to help but admire him.
But, it didn't take long for them to return back to the talk of the experiences of reformatting, and there came the notion that... It was possible that, whereas Valt remembered his past lives... Ophelia and Cassie might not, if they were to die. Anxiety briefly showed over Cassie's face at the thought; her claws beginning to knead at the stone beneath her in an antsy fashion. "I... ... I don't think I'd exactly want to die, even if I come back, if it means that I could end up forgetting everyone..." She'd murmur; a tinge of emotion making her voice strained. "I definitely wouldn't want to see anyone in my family die, either...!"
"Hehehehe, well that's true~ Thanks for that, Cass." Valt truly appreciates the little seal's effort in cheering him out, and her peppiness obviously. Something about it is really infectious. To be honest it just made him forgot about his warm sake. That's just how nice talking with the Gomamon X is. Now, he just popped another sausage in his mouth, and another for Cassie.
Still, now that the seal is... blushing at prospect of him saying 'retirement', 'having a family'... Valt obviously gonna get ideas! After all, he know that she's conscious of him! It also made him blushes, but either way... he decided to swallow lump of saliva and said his next piece.
....Well, so much for courage gathering! He guess he better just talk at length?
"...I don't want you to die either... nor Ophi... nor Skadi, nor anyone... I guess that's why I really got angry at Ophi for constantly being reckless. I... I admit I'm a hypocrite, but I started to think of her like my own little sister, you see... And... it hurts seeing her pushing herself to such degree. For what is she fighting? Self satisfaction? To get stronger? As a more civilized Digimon I find it hard to understand... well I can sympathize the desire to get stronger because I'm a battle maniac too... but..."
Valt sighed. "...I know I'm a damn hypocrite. but when I saw her all battered like that, my heart just sunk. I got too many friends that died in the battle, and... I also lost my... ex."
That felt like a huge lump out of his throat at once. "...So does Aniki for that matter. We're not there. They're MiA. My ex, her employer--Aniki's girlfriend, and said girlfriend's partners... they just suddenly gone missing. Same with Koharu's boyfriend-- Aniki's far cousin and his girlfriend's brother and his partner... We lost far too many... I kept waiting for months... and if you go by Digital World time, it's been almost years even...?
...I kept waiting, I clinged to hope that maybe... maybe they'll return, but..."
Valt poured himself more sake, then gulped it down. "...I started to lose hope... And... after some time, I just... feel depressed. During that time I felt my heart so torn. i don't want to accept that she's gone, but... it's the fact that she's gone..." And with that, Valt looked at Cassie.
"...And I fear the same would befall you... I started to fall in love with you. You're nothing similar to her. She's more mature, she's a dragon... yet in your own way, you captured my heart. But I still feel weighted down by my past. What if my ex returned one day? What if... I'm cursed, that my loved ones are doomed to vanish out of sudden? It's... disheartening. It scares me..."
And for the first time, Valt cried. It's a silent cry without any sobbing. "...I... I don't want to be alone, but... I don't want to lose anyone anymore..."
It seemed that the conversation was, indeed, taking quite the melancholic turn. It wasn't initially Cassie's intention, to let herself get so worried over the concept of death, and reformatting, but... The themes that surrounded it all, the changes that came with it? It all, quite understandably, spooked her. Death didn't sound pleasant to her; death sounded like, well, an end to things - to the things that made her happy. It sounded like something that any digimon should avoid; which, while on paper it sounded obvious...
... She supposed that, in a world where death meant simply being born again, that it almost seems nice at first; to be able to start again.
It certainly was the impression that her parents had taught her. Neither of them went heavily into detail of what reformatting or being egged pertained; simply that it was another start, for a digimon. As long as you weren't loaded, you wouldn't ever truly die...
... But - a small part of her mind began to argue - wasn't changing into someone else completely, down to even your memories, true death in a way?
... Cassie would be silent, initially, as she listened to Valt; quick to try and shove down these thoughts, and to step away from the mental spiral that she realized that she was starting to go down. It'd be selfish of her, if she made this about herself; Valt seemed like the one who needed comfort - not her - after all...!
... She still couldn't help but find it sad, hearing the things that Valt spoke of. His worries regarding Ophelia's recklessness, the many losses that he and Ryouta have dealt with and his difficulties in coping, and even...
... His own worries, of potentially losing her.
Droplets on the stone of the bridge that they were sitting on would be what first alerted Cassie to the fact that Valt was crying. Quiet, no sobbing- yet crying nonetheless; and it all tugged at Cassie's heartstrings, on top of everything else... For how long, had Valt been hurting like this..?
Cassie would be quiet at first, having difficulty finding her words; but she would not be passive or idle, at seeing Valt cry. She'd pull herself into Valt's lap, and wrap her flippers around his torso the best she could in a hug; attempting to aggressively nuzzle his chest all the whilst. "I.. I don't know how much I can really say, to all of this..." She'd murmur; her own voice somewhat choked up with emotion "... But I... I d-don't want to say nothing, either; especially when it seems like that, you, well... That you're hurting, an awful lot..."
"... Losing so many people, so much family, it... It really seems like, well... I'd d-definitely be really sad, if so many people disappeared from my life, too!" Ah, geez- was she tearing up, too..? Cassie would begin to wipe at her eyes with a flipper; not wanting to cry, when Valt was hurting far more than she was. Her emotions could wait for a tiny bit.
"I... I get concerned about Ophi a lot, too, when she sometimes does dangerous things... I worry about her a bunch, too; though I'm not entirely sure why she pushes herself like that, either - besides that... Me and Laertes think that she might've picked it up from Mom, somewhere." Cassie would begin; resting her cheek against Valt, as she returned to hugging him proper. "Mom's kinda wild, too, even if she's more... Stoic, I guess? She's fought off rival wild digimon that were bigger than her, before; just to protect her territory, and to protect us... Maybe Ophi just, wants to be like her..?"
She'd shrug faintly, before attempting to give Valt a brief reassuring smile - mentioning "But... I've always been around to patch her up, even back at the mountains, so... Don't think she's alone, either, okay? I don't want her getting hurt, either; so I'll keep patching her up for all three of us..!"
And then, all the people who Valt had lost... "... Like I said before, losing so many people... It definitely seems like it hurts, an awful lot... I'm... I'm sorry that you've had to go through that, you know...?" Cassie would pause then, briefly; needing a moment to find her words, to find her composure. But... When she'd be able to find her words, she couldn't help but half-bury her face against his torso, as she murmured "... You've lost so many people close to you, and yet... You can't even really give yourself proper closure for the ones who went missing, can you?"
"... I do want to promise you, that I won't vanish; but... It'd hurt more, if I made that promise, and couldn't keep it, wouldn't it?" Cassie would briefly nuzzle against Valt with this; peering off towards the falling petals amongst them. "... I do want to at least say that... I'll try my best, to stick around for you, Valt. I've got Ophi looking after me, I've got Lae looking after me, I've got Skadi... We're all one big family, looking after each other; and... The two of us, we're looking after each other, too, aren't we?"
Cassie glanced up to Valt once more; trying to offer another reassuring smile. "... We're all looking after each other, so... I'll do my best to make sure I'm not going anywhere, just like they're trying their best, okay? I'll try my best, so that I don't make you cry, too..!" Looking up at Valt like this; the way her eyes were wet and shining was likely plainly visible; but... She'd still try to smile, for him.
It hurts, it really hurts... Valt know he wasn't alone in here. There are Hikaru, Freya, Kon-chan, Warg, Papa, Agito... they all lost their important persons. With their human forgetting about their past in digital world, the Digimon becomes the solitary one who bears the burden of this 'loss'. The bondbreaker's existence made it harder for them to say 'I'll remember you'... It's hard, it's so hard... And then forgetting... it's getting natural. It scares him. It scares him so much...
He have to be strong, he told himself... yet, here, he cried, he cried and cried. Even though he vowed "I'll be strong in this life"... indeed it's as Cassie said. He can't give himself a closure. He, like the rest of the fellowship, is very sentimental. Would seeing the corpse of those people will make him feel better? Because that way he could say 'this is farewell', finally? Or would it just made him feel even more horrible? He had no idea, and he cursed himself who stay chained to the past without actually carrying it while moving forward. He cursed his heart that still yearned those friend of the past that doesn't call him "Valt" but "Ryu"... how he missed the strong hug that he used to fear... how he missed those caring hands that reached out to him. He yearned them all... And just like that, as if the dam broken, he finally sobbed as more tears came out.
"Guh... uhhhhh.... *hic*..."
He missed them all. He missed those people that he parted with. He wished he had done better for them. He wished that the past could be changed, so that they can move forward together... Valt hated it so much that he can't do anything but to watch as one day the contact list just like that deleted... either means that they're MIA or Died. He tried to repress his sobbing, yet he can't do it anymore. He felt like a mess.
Part of him even disgusted at himself for starting to move on from Penny and falling in love with this seal in front of him. It hurts, it hurts so much, yet he can't help but to want companionship. Half of him cursed him, yet half of him wanted to move forward... He want to move on from being chained and finally just live the proper life.
"...Can I trust that word?" Valt finally uttered between sobs. "...Can I really trust it?"