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Those Rough Nights [Silence]
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Post by Dr. Mikemon on Nov 16, 2019 2:32:10 GMT
2:00 AM.
The red numbers on the nightstand slowly counted up, to the early hours of the morning... and right now, Mikemon couldn't take his eyes away from them. His ear flicked at the slight sound of the howling winds outside, and with a sigh, he closed his eyes, letting himself shift backwards. Behind him, he felt some comfort: the mane of a familiar Renamon, her warmth usually helping him to relax. But right now, a good four hours lying down, the cat hadn't managed to sleep a wink.
He couldn't get comfortable. He couldn't settle in. He couldn't clear out his thoughts - and this wasn't the first night. Ever since the memorial, ever since they settled up north, the doctor just couldn't bring his head to relax. Sometimes he didn't get off to sleep at all, and sometimes he woke up with a start. This time?
Ugh. His eyes slipped open again, seeing the clock at 2:02. Really... only two minutes? The cat groaned, pulling himself up to sit, letting his legs rest over the edge of the mattress, letting his eyes slowly adjust to the early night. "Tch..." He shook his head, looking back over his shoulder.
... Hopefully he didn't accidentally wake her up.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2019 6:20:02 GMT
2:00 Am.
The renamon stared at the clock as she could tell that it was still a long night ahead of her. She could feel the mikemon shift into her. There was the natural movement of her body that shifted an arm to comfort the mikemon. Was it her own desire to do that? Or was it hers of all things? She’d like to think that it was the former more than the latter. She had gone to bed around the same time as the mikemon, if not a little later.
It had been quite a stressful week hadn’t it? For the both of them. She could tell he was uneasy. She’d sigh softly and close her eyes hoping to drift off; but there it was again. Playing in her head, that feeling of loss. The feeling of letting something else take over. A hungry, angry creature that was ready to strike whenever it saw weakness. Was sleeping considered weakness? She bloody well hoped not! But she couldn’t take the risk…
She’d be sitting there, eyes half glazed over and she’d shift her arm as the mikemon pulled himself up. She’d blink slowly and bring a hand to her face with a soft groan. She wasn’t going to get any sleep like this either huh? She couldn’t help but wonder what the mikemon was going through; his hurt had to be something relevant to her. It was still early wasn’t it? Only a few months? That or maybe something new… she hoped; something she could help with.
”Can’t sleep either huh…?”
There was a low mumble and the renamon sat up, she wasn’t wearing her cloak or armor at the moment and looked fairly bare considering what K or herself normally did. Though unlike K there were faint lines of blue digicode that could be seen under the fur. They were nowhere near as bright as that jesmon symbol that K used to have. She already knew the answer to this question but she asked anyways...
”What’s wrong?”
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Post by Dr. Mikemon on Nov 16, 2019 6:44:00 GMT
Mikemon could tell that Silence was having just as much trouble as he was: each time she shifted, he tried to nuzzle back and relax against her, and when he stirred, Silence would try and get him to settle in. They might have been comfortable, but there was just too much on the mind. Too much to be afraid of, too much to handle.
At least, that's how it was for the doctor. "Not a wink. Ugh... how does Holly pull all those all-nighters..." Mikemon shook his head as K sat down next to him, the feline's ear giving a low flick as the Renamon sat down next to him. He rested a hand atop her's... and sighed as that inevitable question came.
He brought his hand back, folding his paws in front of him as he gathered his thoughts.
"... Its getting to me. Everything that happened to her, I mean." The doctor gave a sigh. "You know who I am at this point: a capable doctor, one who specializes in looking into data cores. But the way everything happened with K, well..."
Mikemon shook his head.
"... If I checked her core after the fight with that damn sorcerer. Or if I pitched my hat in sooner against the Demon Lord... or maybe there was something I missed in those few months after the Wisemon? The more I think on it, the more I'm starting to realize..."
He grit his teeth.
"I was careless."
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2019 6:55:12 GMT
Silence found her expression shifting from a more tired one to that of curiosity and worry. She’d lean slightly and turn her hand so she could give his a small squeeze. Hearing that he couldn’t sleep a wink made her sigh lightly. Yeah they were both a mess right now; but his hurt was far more than hers and she was willing to listen to him.
”To be fair, holly is a bundle of energy that not even the sovereigns seem to know what to do with.”
She’d reach her arm around the mikemon and give his shoulders a small squeeze. Upon hearing about her the renamon closed her eyes and shared a small exhalation of breath with the doctor. It wasn’t a sigh, she wasn’t dismissing him but breathing out in such a way could indicate that.
”I thought that might be the case. And yes I do know who you are and what you do but…”
The renamon perked up a bit, a fight with the sorcerer? The hooded mon in her dreams perhaps? Or maybe the furred beast above the sea of blood? The renamon gritted her teeth and just listened to mikemon. Being there for him was important to her.
”Each… Victory she had made it seem more and more impossible didn’t it? To anyone they’d think she was invincible, infallible. You weren’t careless, you weren’t the only one to think that everything was okay. But from what I know… Or what I can remember. She never brought up to look at her core after that fight. And if you had pitched your hat in well…”
The renamon put her head against the mikemon’s trying to comfort him in some small manner. Would he have made a difference in that fight that she barely could tell what was going on? The magnitude of the battle that had happened well… It was something that made her feel so weak, so.. So damn young. To see so much power thrown about was awe inspiring.
”Your last choice to come to her aide in that time was what saved her. You can’t focus on the maybes and what if’s mikemon. If you do it’ll eat you up from the inside. But here’s the thing. What did you do? Who did you stop? Who can you still stop, who can you still fight against? She’s gone yes, but not entirely. Her kids are still here, you’re still here. And that to her was the most important thing.”
She’d withdraw her touch and; sigh looking down at her hands. She could feel the love from those memories. Those days where she’d wake up early just to watch her husband sleep for a little bit before getting things started. There was a gentleness in K that silence couldn’t fully understand.
”Kicking yourself about what you could of done when you had no idea isn’t something she’d want. It’s not something I’d want either. How can you call yourself careless when you were just glad she was okay?”
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Post by Dr. Mikemon on Nov 16, 2019 7:39:45 GMT
It would have been so easy to just accept that.
'She looked invincible'. 'Everyone thought she was okay'. 'She never told you to look at her core'. Though each comment was true, each only made the feline grit his teeth in frustration. "Of course everyone thought she was fine, Silence... but I'm the one Digimon who should have known better."
That was really the crux of it. The doctor might have made the right decision in the end - might have saved her from a worse fate at Wrath's hand, and made sure the Wisemon didn't come back - but that didn't make up for his past mistakes! And though Silence tried to comfort him, all the doctor could really do was give a long sigh... that was, until she brought up something else.
'Who can you still stop, who can you still fight against?'
His ear flicked. And something seemed to 'click' inside his head.
Daemon. If I can stop Daemon...
Ugh. He shook his head pinching the bridge of his nose. "The one I need to stop might be too far out of my league... tch... how about you?" He looked over at the Renamon. "I mean... um, why can't you sleep?"
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2019 9:24:23 GMT
Silence knew that nothing she could say here would make the hurt go away, he had been shaken to his core. Had been hurt beyond words; the renamon leaned to pull the mikemon into a firm hug. She’d rub at his back and sigh sweetly; she wished she could help mikemon more than what she could. More than anything she wanted to heal him of this pain but there was nothing that she could do other than give him time to grieve and be there for him.
How did she know that?
Somewhere deep something powerful stirred, looking up from its resting place. A form that hadn’t seen the light more than three times; it wasn’t ancient. It wasn’t like all those others. It recognized the one that had been the catalyst of its creation and wanted to aid them but… Here it would only hurt. For now it would rest and wait for the right time. The time that would be coming soon of all things.
”If you really truly think that, what can you do about it now? Other than beat yourself up. What you should take from this isn’t something that shouldn’t break you, but that you at the time were relieved she was okay. Can you imagine how much worse it would have been if she hadn’t come back from inside the gate of destiny? Or that daemon smote her without you getting a chance to even say your goodbyes? She lived a full life, one rife with dangers and many people she adored. But none of them ever came close to the love she felt for you or the love you gave her. Beating yourself up about it, losing sleep and doing the whole ‘what if’ scenario or ‘I should've’ hurts more than you need to. What you really need to focus on Mikemon isn’t all that. It’s what you’re going to do next time. So what are you going to do huh? Gripe? Bemoan your situation? Or are you going to stand up strong, look the world in the face and tell it that you won’t take this lying down? Your grief, your hurt and your love are warranted but don't let it consume you lest you fall into a pit that you can’t climb out of.”
The renamon huffed a bit as he said that the one he needed to stop might be out of his league, her eyes flashed and she’d cup his cheeks to look into his eyes. Hers were tired, but they were still strong. Passionate, there was a fire in them that was so blindingly powerful in comparison to K’s cool and calm ones. In comparison to the flame that burned for millenia silence’s was one that was a raging inferno that didn't look like it was going to stop anytime soon if ever…
”Then take them out of their league, break each and every support that rise him up and up out of the league you put yourself in. Your power is time, patience and expertise. Do you think that he considers you a threat? If the answer is no then he’s already lost.”
Silence blinked a bit and looked back down at her hands, letting out a sigh and rubbing at her neck. The meicrackmon inside of her raised it’s head up blearily and then just shook it’s head. It was tired, she was tired, they both wanted to sleep but more importantly the meicrackmon wanted to feed…
”Well. It depends on how much you know about meicrackmon’s. When I went to the moon last week and nearly lost to a killer well… Something triggered and woke up something in my data. It took over and nearly killed them. I’ve never seen anything move like she did or fight like she did. I’m not even sure if it’s me or just my instincts given form… Tch. What’s worse is it felt good to let them do all that up until it tried to load them. I had been meaning to talk to you about it but... No time seemed good.”
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Post by Dr. Mikemon on Nov 16, 2019 16:17:13 GMT
... It could have been worse.
K could have fallen at any point. Trapped on the other end of Wisemon's spell, felled at the hands of the D-Reaper or the Demon Lords, or really any time in between - and yet she always managed to push through. She always managed to come back. Was it any idea why many thought of her as strong or invincible? The doctor was blinded just like everyone else.
Plucked up into that hug, the doctor gave a low sigh, and slowly returned it, letting his hand rub against the Renamon's back.
"Trust me, I get it, Silence. K also wanted me to keep moving forward... but part of it is just being with my thoughts in the dead of night. I can be logical about it all I want, but when I sleep, when I dream, I can hardly tell myself to be 'more calm and collected' about it, you know?" He shook his head. "Now I understand Holly's problems a little better with this."
As for Silence's own problems? The moment that Silence brought up the Meicrackmon, his ear gave a flick. That part, it immediately sounded familiar to the doctor, and with an almost-annoyed tsk, he set off to explain. "I know a lot about MeiCrackmon at this point. By nature, the entire Meicoomon line is dangerous, and has a lean to want to simply load as much data as possible. Its part of why Holly likes to spend a lot of time reading - its an attempt to try and satisfy an almost insatiable hunger for knowledge. Her being a 'Mei' is also why such a friendly 'mon as her can have trouble making new friends."
In Silence's case, though? "For your 'Mei', those concerns are warranted. It was malleable and 'wild' enough for the Wisemon to manipulate, independent of the rest of K's data - and she's a capable, violent, feral fighter. If I had to guess, its a manifestation of her baser instincts. And... well, when she gets the reins, she tries to do a lot with them."
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2019 17:27:11 GMT
Every bit of it could've been worse, from the get go. What would have happened if K had been loaded at any of those points? The wisemon? The D-reaper? The demonlord? The renamon gritted her teeth a bit, she knew that some foes didn’t have qualms about it. But she didn’t know where she stood on all of this. The renamon gave the mikemon a firm squeeze, gently trying to help him relax, her touch was unlike K’s. But in it’s own right she was being gentle; supportive…
”I suppose you’re right. It’s hard to deal with it when you’re sleeping. Perhaps you could do something like you did with holly? You did make her something to help her sleep so…”
The renamon shrugged a bit and sighed softly as mikemon picked up how he knew a lot about meicrackmon’s. The entire line that holly had was dangerous, but she stifled her desires by getting as much knowledge as she could. That and from what the renamon had been told… She didn’t like the taste of data.
”Even though she told me she harbors an intense dislike for the taste of data? Tch. Poor girl, she doesn’t deserve that hate.”
The renamon gave a small shake and then b linked slowly as the mikemon explained further. How it was malleable and wild enough for the wisemon to manipulate apart from K’s data. How she was capable, violent and a feral fighter. The renamon rubbed her chin thoughtfully and furrowed her brow.
”When she took over on the moon it was to protect me. From that bird. She didn’t feel wild and feral; do you think that she’s changed some due to the digitization that both her and K went through? Sure she tried to load the bird but I stopped her before she went too far… Tch. I wish I could talk to her but I don’t think that’s possible.”
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Post by Dr. Mikemon on Nov 16, 2019 23:18:17 GMT
"Well, maybe... I'll see what I can do about it tomorrow, I guess."
The cat gave a sigh, returning that hug before he pulled away, tiredly rubbing an eye with the back of his glove. It was only right that he return the question, and honestly, it didn't seem like Silence knew what was going on with the Meicrackmon. Nor did the Mikemon, really:
"She tried to protect you? That's... definitely different than how K's inner-Meicrackmon worked. But yes, its entirely possible that her data changed a fair bit. I mean," he bit his lip, "you're a white Renamon, but you're not K. It only makes sense that the inner parts of her data would be different as well. If that's the case?"
He mulled it over.
"... She needs you, so she protected her host. And she tried to pull in more data to make her host stronger. Its 'simple', yes, but nothing you said makes me think she did anything other than what she felt she had to do to survive. Which actually makes her kind of dangerous, now that I think about it..."
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2019 23:27:27 GMT
”At the very least you can say you tried to help yourself sleep better.”
The renamon shook her head, she wished she had some better advice for mikemon but that was really all she could think of. Holly still wore that signal dampener that her father made for her else she was just… Stuck in several dream sequences she didn’t like. Silence rubbed at the back of her head as the mikemon spoke.
”Yeah, well not so much tried as she did protect me. She kicked the absolute shit out of the bird. I’ve never seen someone move as fast as she did.”
The renamon pursed her lips a bit and flicked her ears as he continued. How she was a white renamon but she wasn’t K. How that the inner parts of the data of the meicrackmon would be different too… So that meant that they should treat her as just another person right?
Silence felt her brow rise a little as mikemon said how she needed her. How she protected her host and tried to make silence stronger. But the idea of the meicrackmon doing what she needed to to make sure that the host survived was… Well very dangerous. Given that if they felt like silence was in enough danger they could do something like that again. She’d grit her teeth lightly and shake her head again.
”So her inner parts are dangerous, she protected me from that bird. Pulled in data to make me stronger which also affected my shutmon form… Tch. What do you suggest we do about her if she’s this dangerous? I don’t think we can remove her or the like. Maybe make her go back to sleep? Though that feels shitty to do: 'oh thanks you protected me when I could of died, thanks but you gotta leave!'”
Silence shrugged her shoulders and leaned back, placing either hand on the bed so that she was supporting herself. Jeez what were they going to do? If this meicrackmon was dangerous and was protective of silence maybe… Well they needed to talk to her or communicate somehow; try to work things out? Silence snorted a bit and rubbed at her neck again.
”I’m not really sure what we can do to be honest, or what to suggest eesh.... This isn’t really my forte.”
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Post by Dr. Mikemon on Nov 17, 2019 0:25:26 GMT
"Honestly, the most important thing is that you managed to get control back. Once you've managed to do that - and if she's still awake inside of you - there should be more we can do from this point."
Mikemon's tone seemed a little more certain on this, even a bit optimistic about what to do going forward. He mulled it over, resting his chin on the back of his glove. "And you said it yourself. We have the option to 'put her back to sleep', meaning she's still awake, right? You two share a body, so it shouldn't be too difficult for you two to talk. She might be a MeiCrackmon, but its hard to tell how 'feral' she is: she might very well stand to listen to reason."
Though, honestly: "... I might just be being too optimistic, of course. There's also a chance she won't listen to you at all, and is trying to think of how to sink her fangs into my flank the first chance she gets. Um... sorry, I don't mean to scare. But that's what her Mei tried to do at one point. Almost damn well succeeded at it, too..."
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2019 0:34:21 GMT
”Well it really wasn’t hard, I gave her a few good smacks and she stopped trying to feed on the bird. Well yeah. She’s been awake, just sort of lazily watching me do things. She hasn’t pushed for much other than wanting to get a taste of fish when we had it earlier this week.”
Silence gave a small shrug and then blinked, noting the change in tone. She’d watch him curiously and tilt her head as he continued to speak. How it shouldn’t be hard for her to communicate. The renamon rubbed her muzzle thoughtfully, unsure how she’d be able to talk to the meicrackmon.
As he continued on well… How there was a good chance that she was feral and wouldn’t listen to reason in the slightest. How she would want to sink her fangs into his flank the first chance she got which according to the mikemon had nearly happened last time. The renamon rubbed her face with either hand and let herself fall backwards onto the bed; causing it to shift slightly.
”How would I even talk to her? I don’t know how to do that sort of stuff. Yes she’s still awake, yes we share this body but it just always feels like she’s watching. For what? I don’t really know. If she was anything like the other she’d probably be more ontop of me or something tch.”
She looked up from where she was laying now and frown a little bit; still pretty darned uncertain how to go about it. She’d rub at her face and then grumble. Honestly, this entire situation was weird… She didn’t have practice in this sort of thing darnit!
”She just feels lazy; like actually really incredibly lazy; when I pushed back against her the first time she relented immediately. Like she’s afraid to do too much or something. That or maybe I was a little too hard on her but I wasn’t about to have her load someone.”
There was a long pause and the renamon looked like she was about to say something or ask something and decided better of it before just shaking her head. She would tug at the mikemon, trying to get him to join her for a few scant moments if only to comfort him.
"You've really been through a lot mikemon. More than I can really understand but... hearing this makes me realize I don't know enough about you and I'd like that to change."
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Post by Dr. Mikemon on Nov 17, 2019 20:15:00 GMT
"... Well, before we do anything drastic, I think you should just try and talk to her."
Yes, the reply seemed a bit blunt. But the doctor would soon explain: "You said you were able to make her stop, and she hasn't tried to prop up except to try and taste some fish? It honestly seems like she's sort of 'content' inside your data - heck, maybe we shouldn't think of her as a 'scary' part of your personality, but rather a potential friend or ally. Though, this is definitely not something we should try at..."
The cat looked over his shoulder.
"... 2:20 in the morning. Fuck." Holy hell, it was late. The cat sighed, leaning against Silence as he was tugged closer. Her next words... well, those got to him a little more. And to that, the cat gave a little smile.
"I know, Silence. Its not like I'm trying to hide things from you - I spent a good two years for K to learn everything about me, so it just feels like a bit of a mountain to climb again. And of course, I want to learn a bit more about you." He chuckled. "All I got right now is that K was more of a 'Renamon' - and you're more of a 'Shutmon'."
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2019 20:25:07 GMT
”Well I’m all for talking to her, but how do I accomplish that?”
Silence seemed unsure of how to even go about that really, how did one talk to someone on the inside of their body after all? The renamon quirked a brow and slowly nodded her head as the other asked her some simple clarifications. So they should think of her as a potential ally or friend rather than an enemy. The renamon turned her head and winced at seeing the clock. The renamon cradled the doctor against her and sighed softly.
”Yes i was able to make her stop, yes the fish and… well. Yes. I think that’s a good way of going about it but I still can’t help but feel like I should be careful. Who knows if it’s just a trap or something.”
The renamon rubbed her cheek against the cat and well… She agreed with the idea they shouldn’t try talking to the cat at two in the fricken morning. He had spent a good amount of time learning about K and having the other learn about her. It was another mountain to climb and the renamon chuckled lightly.
”Honestly there’s… not a terrible lot to learn about me I feel. Not in comparison to her at least, I didn’t live for several thousand years. But yeah uhm. I’m super comfortable in my shutmon form, I don’t know why. But I also feel like it’s… not my true self either if that makes sense? What about you? I don’t see you outside of mikemon ever, what else are you capable of?”
The renamon tilted her head to one side and adjusted the two of them so that they were laying down a bit more proper. She’d of course get comfy again though she was above the sheets this time consider that she wasn’t sure just how much mikemon wanted to move about.
”...Maybe we should try talking to her after lunch today…”
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Post by Dr. Mikemon on Nov 18, 2019 1:56:19 GMT
"Trust me, I know I'm repeating myself, Silence. There's ways, its just..."
The cat stumbled with his sentence there, and took the time to take a loud yawn, covering his mouth with his gloved hand. Yeah - that spoke more than any words about how late it was. He gave a nod, understanding her concerns about the MeiCrackmon, but his tiredness was about to take over. Once he was lying down next to Silence again, he'd nestle up against her mane, wrapping a hand around the fox's back.
"Mmph... that's a difficult thing to ask, too. For Digimon, who can take several forms, what are we supposed to be? I've gotten used to being a Mikemon, but... well, you know this form's good as Champion or Mega for me..." He yawned, a little less exaggerated this time, as he settled up again next to her.
They'd talk about it after lunch today. All of it, really. The cat nodded, closed his eyes, and started to murmur. In those low words, he repeated it: the calm lullaby that K used for both Syre and Holly, one of the few things that helped Holly sleep back then.
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