Digital World Tamer Safety Video (MPC 69B)
Dec 27, 2019 19:10:17 GMT
Post by Yuma Hatsume on Dec 27, 2019 19:10:17 GMT
((Blurry CRT filter is applied throughout this entire video. A monochrome image of the number 3, counting down with a beep to 2 and then 1))
((Fanciful esoteric music perhaps indicative of your average training video begins to play as the words "Digital World Tamer Safety and Training Video" appears in bright bold comic sans font, followed by a smaller phrase saying "Brought to you by Terminus City Jurisdiction". A voice in a Microsoft Sam-esque voice begins to assault your eardrums and will continue to do so for the entirety of this dreadful piece of educational programming))
Welcome to the Digital World Tamer Safety and Training Safety Video. If you are watching this video, we welcome you to this bold new adventure that you were likely brought into either against your will or due to a naive desire to seek adventure from your dull human lives. Regardless of what your motives before you were thrust into the throes of digital space, we wish to offer this tutorial as both a precautionary tale to our wonderland. It may be a magical realm compared to the doldrums of human civilization, but it is also a dangerous one. So take a seat, get a notepad and or recording device of your choice, and let us together plunge to the dangers of our world.
((SECTION 1 : Digital World Dangers))
The Digital World is a place that has many differences to the human world in regards to physics. By Digimon standards, some may say "What phsyics?"
For instance, unlike the human world where concession stands and restaurants seem to grow from the ground like weeds; the Digital World is a mostly rural land filled with abnormal things by human standards. We know some of the worst weather among human continents consists of torrential rains, winds, or deadly droughts. We would like to inform you that not only do we we have that on a more regular basis, but your stay in the Digital World is also accompanied by weather types liking metal shrapnel raining from the sky, murderous nonsentient plant-life, and occasional MetalPiranimon swarming.
We recommend keeping exploring to pleasant weather when possible. If that is not an option, a brand name EV Suit to help shield one's self from the elements. Additionally, using brand name Digi-Ports or purchasing a multi-lifetime Trailmon pass to gurantee your safety across the dangerous terrains of our world is highly recommended. Remember, tens of thousands of bits mean nothing if you are dead.
((SECTION 2 : Your Digimon Partner))
If you are a human at least 90% of the time, you likely have in your possession at least one or even two Digimon partners. If you do not appear to be partnered with a Digimon, we highly recommend you check our "Spirit Wielding for Assholes" tutorial video, available for purchase for the low low price of 30,000 bits.
More than likely you will entrusted with caring for a Digimon of your own. Unlike human-esque videogames concerning pocket monsters that are tamed in a manner more resemblant to slavery, we recommend you treat said partner in a more equal manner. After all, they are your essential lifeline to not be horribly murdered. Treat them as if they were your best friend, only your best friend is likely to evolve into a giant killer dinosaur that happens to be your best friend.
Your Digimon will likely start as a Fresh level Digimon, essentially a defenseless baby. We recommend only considering travel once your partner has reached the Rookie level at least, but remain cautious. Danger is always afoot in the Digital World and we highly recommend to travel in groups. Find other human friends who also have become involved in the affairs of our world, or make friends with the resident locals. Safety in numbers is encouraged when traveling to reduce the chances of death.
Your partner will be able to Digivolve to even higher levels with combat experience or data, a process that can be further hastened through loading data from deleted Digimon. We recommend keeping data absorption in moderation, unless you like being an asshole. In which case, keep assholery to a moderation and away from innocent Digimon TERMINUS CITY NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR DEATH, ETERNAL IMPRISONMENT OR LOSS OF SANITY.
Should your Digimon ever expire, take a trip to the Village of Beginnings and you will likely be able to find your partner back in a baby state. Unless they were completely absorbed... In which case, we are sorry for your loss and recommend taking human therapy and never coming back.
((SECTION 3: Dangerous Digimon))
While many Digimon are welcoming to humans, unfortunately not all Digimon are. Many Digimon either share a murderous distaste to humans, are feral and incapable of complex thought (but we appreciate your naive attempt for trying to), or just straight up assholes. In all three cases, your life may be at stake! Remember, Digimon may have many lives, but humans only have one. Unless you believe in reincarnation or some other silly human religion we find scientifically inaccurate or stupid.
Your Digimon is capable of defending you from would-be advesaries, but we recommend the belief that not all fights can be won. If you are not willing to risk you or your partner's life, it may be best to avoid conflict all-together. In dangerous scenarios, we recommend taking a Digiport away rather than risk your fleshy body turned into blood pulp.
If no other option exists, we recommend praying to whatever deity or demonic entity of your choice (we at Terminus City are not picky) that your partner can fend off or defeat said opponent. We do not recommend joining in on fights for anything stronger than a Rookie directly. No matter how much of skilled swordsman you think you are with your cheap shitty sword you bought off human auctioning sources, Digimon are almost always more skillful fighters and will likely turn you into mush for trying to fight back. Remember, only you can prevent needlessly stupid humans rushing into battle thinking they are from a Japanese form of animated entertainment. Or you can use them as bait. Either are acceptable options when facing survival.
Now what kind of Digimon are there to look out for? Well we at Terminus City do not intend to villainize or condone certain attributes or species of Digimon for stereotypes that they may have the misfortune of carrying, but a word of caution is intended in the belief that the majority of human fatalities in the Digital World come from either misunderstanding, underestimating threats, or Data/Virus attribute Digimon.[/b][/i]
((The video audio cuts briefly before a new voice appears. Unlike the electronic and monotone voice, being a squeaky and feminine one.))
"Is anyone actually going to listen to this garbage? I cannot believe I am wasting my editing talent on this fucking piece of swill. Maybe I should make a tutorial on how to make a tutorial because this absolute shit is more likely to get someone killed with how half-assed it is! I am almost positive no one is actually going to proof-watch this. Whatever... I got paid already, so I am done editing this trash.
If you want some actual advice, throw half of what this garbage tutorial told you. Only winners get by in this world, and I'm no loser! All that matters is power, and you know how you get power? Put 2 and 2 together, numbnuts.
Oh yeah. Get some cards too I guess? I don't know, I'm just phoning it in at this point. Look, only goodie two-shoes get nowhere. If you think you can get away with something, DO IT. Its a mon-eat-mon world out there... and I'm telling you this. If we ever meet, only one of us Digimon is walking away.
Lousy stupid tamer getting in the way of my schtick... she'll learn one day that I was right all along. If I were you, the quicker you know how this world works, the better."
Word Count: 1346
Taking posts!
((Fanciful esoteric music perhaps indicative of your average training video begins to play as the words "Digital World Tamer Safety and Training Video" appears in bright bold comic sans font, followed by a smaller phrase saying "Brought to you by Terminus City Jurisdiction". A voice in a Microsoft Sam-esque voice begins to assault your eardrums and will continue to do so for the entirety of this dreadful piece of educational programming))
Welcome to the Digital World Tamer Safety and Training Safety Video. If you are watching this video, we welcome you to this bold new adventure that you were likely brought into either against your will or due to a naive desire to seek adventure from your dull human lives. Regardless of what your motives before you were thrust into the throes of digital space, we wish to offer this tutorial as both a precautionary tale to our wonderland. It may be a magical realm compared to the doldrums of human civilization, but it is also a dangerous one. So take a seat, get a notepad and or recording device of your choice, and let us together plunge to the dangers of our world.
((SECTION 1 : Digital World Dangers))
The Digital World is a place that has many differences to the human world in regards to physics. By Digimon standards, some may say "What phsyics?"
For instance, unlike the human world where concession stands and restaurants seem to grow from the ground like weeds; the Digital World is a mostly rural land filled with abnormal things by human standards. We know some of the worst weather among human continents consists of torrential rains, winds, or deadly droughts. We would like to inform you that not only do we we have that on a more regular basis, but your stay in the Digital World is also accompanied by weather types liking metal shrapnel raining from the sky, murderous nonsentient plant-life, and occasional MetalPiranimon swarming.
We recommend keeping exploring to pleasant weather when possible. If that is not an option, a brand name EV Suit to help shield one's self from the elements. Additionally, using brand name Digi-Ports or purchasing a multi-lifetime Trailmon pass to gurantee your safety across the dangerous terrains of our world is highly recommended. Remember, tens of thousands of bits mean nothing if you are dead.
((SECTION 2 : Your Digimon Partner))
If you are a human at least 90% of the time, you likely have in your possession at least one or even two Digimon partners. If you do not appear to be partnered with a Digimon, we highly recommend you check our "Spirit Wielding for Assholes" tutorial video, available for purchase for the low low price of 30,000 bits.
More than likely you will entrusted with caring for a Digimon of your own. Unlike human-esque videogames concerning pocket monsters that are tamed in a manner more resemblant to slavery, we recommend you treat said partner in a more equal manner. After all, they are your essential lifeline to not be horribly murdered. Treat them as if they were your best friend, only your best friend is likely to evolve into a giant killer dinosaur that happens to be your best friend.
Your Digimon will likely start as a Fresh level Digimon, essentially a defenseless baby. We recommend only considering travel once your partner has reached the Rookie level at least, but remain cautious. Danger is always afoot in the Digital World and we highly recommend to travel in groups. Find other human friends who also have become involved in the affairs of our world, or make friends with the resident locals. Safety in numbers is encouraged when traveling to reduce the chances of death.
Your partner will be able to Digivolve to even higher levels with combat experience or data, a process that can be further hastened through loading data from deleted Digimon. We recommend keeping data absorption in moderation, unless you like being an asshole. In which case, keep assholery to a moderation and away from innocent Digimon TERMINUS CITY NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR DEATH, ETERNAL IMPRISONMENT OR LOSS OF SANITY.
Should your Digimon ever expire, take a trip to the Village of Beginnings and you will likely be able to find your partner back in a baby state. Unless they were completely absorbed... In which case, we are sorry for your loss and recommend taking human therapy and never coming back.
((SECTION 3: Dangerous Digimon))
While many Digimon are welcoming to humans, unfortunately not all Digimon are. Many Digimon either share a murderous distaste to humans, are feral and incapable of complex thought (but we appreciate your naive attempt for trying to), or just straight up assholes. In all three cases, your life may be at stake! Remember, Digimon may have many lives, but humans only have one. Unless you believe in reincarnation or some other silly human religion we find scientifically inaccurate or stupid.
Your Digimon is capable of defending you from would-be advesaries, but we recommend the belief that not all fights can be won. If you are not willing to risk you or your partner's life, it may be best to avoid conflict all-together. In dangerous scenarios, we recommend taking a Digiport away rather than risk your fleshy body turned into blood pulp.
If no other option exists, we recommend praying to whatever deity or demonic entity of your choice (we at Terminus City are not picky) that your partner can fend off or defeat said opponent. We do not recommend joining in on fights for anything stronger than a Rookie directly. No matter how much of skilled swordsman you think you are with your cheap shitty sword you bought off human auctioning sources, Digimon are almost always more skillful fighters and will likely turn you into mush for trying to fight back. Remember, only you can prevent needlessly stupid humans rushing into battle thinking they are from a Japanese form of animated entertainment. Or you can use them as bait. Either are acceptable options when facing survival.
Now what kind of Digimon are there to look out for? Well we at Terminus City do not intend to villainize or condone certain attributes or species of Digimon for stereotypes that they may have the misfortune of carrying, but a word of caution is intended in the belief that the majority of human fatalities in the Digital World come from either misunderstanding, underestimating threats, or Data/Virus attribute Digimon.[/b][/i]
((The video audio cuts briefly before a new voice appears. Unlike the electronic and monotone voice, being a squeaky and feminine one.))
"Is anyone actually going to listen to this garbage? I cannot believe I am wasting my editing talent on this fucking piece of swill. Maybe I should make a tutorial on how to make a tutorial because this absolute shit is more likely to get someone killed with how half-assed it is! I am almost positive no one is actually going to proof-watch this. Whatever... I got paid already, so I am done editing this trash.
If you want some actual advice, throw half of what this garbage tutorial told you. Only winners get by in this world, and I'm no loser! All that matters is power, and you know how you get power? Put 2 and 2 together, numbnuts.
Oh yeah. Get some cards too I guess? I don't know, I'm just phoning it in at this point. Look, only goodie two-shoes get nowhere. If you think you can get away with something, DO IT. Its a mon-eat-mon world out there... and I'm telling you this. If we ever meet, only one of us Digimon is walking away.
Lousy stupid tamer getting in the way of my schtick... she'll learn one day that I was right all along. If I were you, the quicker you know how this world works, the better."
Word Count: 1346
Taking posts!
