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Do I Deserve Forgiveness? (YsMPC 2.2)
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Post by Kaya Matsui and Hawkeye on May 16, 2021 19:07:10 GMT
Okay, this is the first time I'm doing something like this, so forgive me if I am not the best narrator. Though at this point I don't believe I deserve forgiveness of any kind. I have performed a heinous act on who I assumed to be my best friend's murderer at the time, and my assumptions were indeed correct mind you, but... he was also someone I began to grow close to. And his own partner was my partner's brother figure...
*Ahem* Let me start at the beginning. My name is Hawkeye, and I am a Digimon known as a Hawkmon. Years ago, my first human partner Eizo was murdered by a red-scaled Magnamon, leaving me traumatized and alone. I thought I would remain alone forever, until the day that Kaya Matsui arrived in my village. At first it was just my job to get her back home to the human world, but after our journey to the Trailmon station I truly started to grow close to her, and was sad to eventually see her leave. Who would've thought that we'd end up being partnered together?
Over our time together, our bond simply grew and grew. I even told her about Eizo and my past at one point, where she promised that she'd help me find Eizo's killer and that we'd finally get justice for him. And I truly thought that's what would've happened, until we discovered that RedMagnamon had been reincarnated into our ally Shoutmon, and his own partner just happened to be Adrian Boriker, who was Kaya's brother figure.
Long story short, mostly because the thread that is being written about it hasn't concluded yet, we... eventually learned the error of our ways. I was so blind by my rage against RedMagnamon and my desire to avenge Eizo that I didn't realize what I was doing was so destructive. And by that point the damage had already been done with the bystanders attempting to stop us and getting hurt in the process, so I was too late to stop myself. But that was not the worst of it. Kaya, without saying a word, opened the Digiport and gave me the Digivice before walking off... leaving me alone in the Digital World. She promised... she promised that she would never leave my side, and she broke that promise! She abandoned me!
As I recalled this point in my memory, I angrily screamed and chucked a stone as hard as I could into the nearby lake. It had been a couple days since that event, and I found myself in the ancient city of Ys during the Lux Harmony Festival. Kaya and I had been here before, as this was where we had our journey in the Prismatic Passage. But now I was all alone. No money, no food, no place to stay... I had been homeless, simply sleeping at whatever comfy spot I could find. And, honestly... I felt like I deserved it.
"I'm no good for anyone..." I told myself, unable to stop the tears running down my face. "There's a reason they all left me. I don't deserve a happy life... Eizo's dead and Kaya's gone because of me..." I could feel my stomach growl as the result of not eating ever since that day. I didn't care. I didn't have enough left in me to care...
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Post by Hanako Hoshidate on May 16, 2021 19:46:32 GMT
Oh, hello there! Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Sakura, the (self-proclaimed) Knight of Flowers. As of right now, I'm a Lillymon currently having an outdoor lunch by the lake with my mother, a Lilamon named Dahlia, and my adopted brother, Mint the Terriermon.
Honestly, coming back to Ys like this made me nervous. I was so nervous that my parents would be disappointed in me running off like I had to go and be a knight like my dad, a Knightmon who works to help maintain the safety and security of Ys. But my worries turned out to be for nothing, since they made it clear that they're proud of me and absolutely adore the adopted brother I brought home with me.
Coming home, however, has actually brought up something I never really thought about until now. Do I actually want to continue being a knight like Dad, or should I try to find my own path through life?
Ah, I'm getting sidetracked. Sorry about that. Where was I? Oh, I remember. My family and I were eating lunch when I heard an angry scream coming from nearby. I turned to look for the source of the noise, only to see a despondent-looking Hawkmon chucking stones at the lake. Wait, was that... Hawkeye, I think his name was? I turned back towards my mother, who simply gave me a single nod before I flew towards the Hawkmon.
"Hawkeye, is that you?" I asked him as I slowly moved towards him. The poor bird looked like he's been through a rough time.
WC: 264/500
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Post by Kaya Matsui and Hawkeye on May 16, 2021 20:17:37 GMT
I grabbed another stone to chuck into the lake, not even looking at the kind of stone I was grabbing. It was only when I noticed a tiny flash in my eye that I stopped what I was doing to actually look at the stone. Turned out that... well, it wasn't a stone at all. It was a crystal, much like one of the many crystals that Ys was filled to the brim with. Did it break off of a bigger chunk? What was it doing here? It didn't really matter all that much, I suppose.
I was about to proceed to throw it back into the lake when I heard a familiar voice call out to me. I turned around to see the Lillymon Sakura standing there. The same Lillymon that accompanied Hana and the twins on that Trailmon in the Server Woods. The... the same ones who tried to stop Hawkeye from attacking Shoutmon...
I gave Sakura an angry look, she was one of the last ones I wanted to see right now. "Go away," I angrily told her before I started walking towards a different part of the corresponding beach by the lake. She most likely would've known what I tried to do by this point, the last thing I needed was another lecture from the likes of her.
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Post by Hanako Hoshidate on May 16, 2021 20:35:16 GMT
Alright, something's definitely up here. I know I've only met Hawkeye twice before, but I'm preeeetty sure I didn't do anything that would piss him off this much. When he tried walking away from me, I casually followed after him.
"Alright, Hawkeye. I don't know what exactly has you so down in the dumps, but I'm not just gonna leave you alone when you look like you've been living on the... streets." I said, before freezing as what I just said registered to my brain. Despondent Hawkeye, looking like he'd been living on the streets. "Did... something happen between you and Kaya?"
I noticed my mom and Mint starting to head out way, but I pushed that aside to focus on the 'mon before me. "Look, Hawkeye. I can tell you're absolutely miserable and could use a friend, so here I am. I'm not abandoning someone who clearly looks like they need help."
WC: 417/500
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Post by Kaya Matsui and Hawkeye on May 16, 2021 20:46:15 GMT
She... doesn't know? How couldn't she have known? After what happened back with Adrian and Shoutmon, I was sure that Hana would've told this story to Sakura by now. Still, it doesn't change anything. I still didn't want to be anywhere near her, so I continued to walk away. Of course she just kept following me. For the love of Yggdrasil, can't some Digimon just see when others want to be left alone?
I stopped walking when she mentioned that I look like I've been living on the streets. I looked down at myself... I was definitely much dirtier than usual, my feathers were ruffled and there were bits of dirt and a couple small twigs stuck in my plumage. I hadn't even considered my appearance for the past couple of days, so I really did look like I live on the streets. She... she then asked if something happened between me and Kaya.
I clenched the crystal tightly in my wing, unsure how I was going to respond. I didn't want to admit that I was indeed miserable, but any lie I told would easily be seen through. So with old habits dying hard, I turned my head over to Sakura and said, "Why don't you mind your own business for a change?"
But she still didn't leave. In fact, she stated that she wasn't going to abandon someone who "clearly looked like they needed help," which definitely described myself at the moment. I did need help. But I did not want it. "I... I don't deserve help, Sakura. Just go away... please..."
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Post by Hanako Hoshidate on May 16, 2021 21:08:33 GMT
Hawkeye's refusal to answer my question about Kaya told me all that I needed to know about that part. "So something DID happen between you two, then."
The part where he said he didn't deserve help did catch me off-guard, but I quickly found myself running up to the Hawkmon and grabbing his shoulders. "You 'don't deserve help'? What the hell are you saying?! From what I can tell, you're no baby-eating monster, so why the hell would you not deserve help?!"
I would then proceed to try and shake him for a minute or two before letting go and taking a deep breath to calm myself. I sat down on a nearby rock and leveled a stern gaze at the Hawkmon.
"Sorry, I got carried away there. Alright, here's what's gonna happen, buddy. You're gonna explain to me why you feel like you don't deserve help, and neither of us are gonna go anywhere until you do. Got it?"
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Post by Kaya Matsui and Hawkeye on May 28, 2021 22:27:16 GMT
I growled a bit when Sakura managed to piece it together. I stopped dead in my tracks, realizing that I would be unable to avoid this topic any longer. I sighed. "...yes. Something did happen between me and Kaya. And if you knew what it was, I assure you that you wouldn't even be attempting to talk to me right now. So go away."
Sakura then did the exact opposite of what I wanted her to do, running up and grabbing onto my shoulders, shaking me for at least a minute asking me why I felt like I didn't deserve help. The constant shaking started making me nauseous, though since there was nothing in my stomach there was no danger of me accidentally throwing up all over her at least. Eventually she let me go, leaving me incredibly dizzy thanks to the shaking.
"Please never shake me like that again... on second thought, please don't ever touch me again."
She sat down on a rock nearby and apologized for the shaking, at least. So it was something. She made it very clear that she wasn't going to leave and wasn't going to let me leave until I explained everything. I sighed... and I did. I explained it all. About Eizo, about RedMagnamon, about how we found out who RedMagnamon was and how we attacked them... and about how we both messed up by attacking our friends in cold blood like that. I even told her about Kaya giving me the Digivice and just going back home.
"I brought this upon myself. I was so angry, so thirsty for vengeance that I not only ended up hurting some of our closest friends, like the Shoutmon in particular, but also caused Kaya to just want nothing to do with me afterwards. I'm a failure of a Digimon. I don't deserve anything..."
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Post by Hanako Hoshidate on May 28, 2021 23:40:49 GMT
After Hawkeye explained the whole situation about Eizo, RedMagnamon, and attacking Shoutmon, I remained silent for a minute to process it.
"Ah, so that's what happened. Honestly? I can probably understand what you were probably feeling at the time. I'd be pissed myself if it turned out that one of my friends was the reincarnation of the guy who killed my best friend, too. Anger and grief can drive someone to do things they normally wouldn't do."
As I spoke, I noticed Mint wander over. He looked over at Hawkeye for a moment before shuffling over to my location and climbing up next to me. I placed one hand on my little brother's head, causing him to giggle as I continued talking. "I'm not sure if I should be the one telling you this, but this isn't the first time I've heard of a situation like this. Before I actually met them, apparently Data and Rush got in a fight with whom I believe is the same Adrian and Shoutmon, along with a Hackmon, over a misunderstanding that lead to Hana's ocarina being broken. The Twins' DNA Champion form, ShadowGrademon, went absolutely berserk and attacked the three of them until Hana called him off and almost gave up on him herself. They both regretted what happened, and managed to make amends with Adrian and Shoutmon."
I let out a sigh before continuing, as I lifted Mint up onto my lap. "Look, what I'm trying to say is you are not someone who doesn't deserve forgiveness or kindness. Sure, you went a bit too far, but I think Adrian and Shoutmon will probably forgive you."
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Post by Kaya Matsui and Hawkeye on Jun 3, 2021 4:43:11 GMT
The minute of unspoken silence between the two of us was torture. It felt like I was waiting for someone to chew me out like I rightfully deserved, though it still didn't feel good to have it happen. Eventually, Sakura spoke up, and she said that she at least understood why I did it. She was right; I was going through pent-up grief I didn't know I still had, and a lot of anger as well. "I'm afraid that's the thing; I knew exactly what I was doing. It was what I planned to do from the start... back when I assumed that the monster would still be there... I never even thought about the alternative, and didn't adjust my plan to account for that."
A Terriermon would then wander over towards us. They looked at me before they climbed over and sat next to Sakura. I assumed that she knew this Terriermon, hence why she didn't really say anything about it. But the more surprising part was what Sakura told me next. Apparently Hana, Data and Rush had met Adrian and Shoutmon before, and due to a misunderstanding when Hana's ocarina broke, the twins' DNA form went berserk and tried to kill them as well as Luneth. She even said that they managed to make amends afterwards. "R...Really?" I asked. I didn't think they'd be so forgiving after that...
Sakura summed up what she was trying to say to me, that I wasn't someone who didn't deserve a second change and that Adrian and Shoutmon would more than likely forgive me after all was said and done. I couldn't help but sigh again. "I think the other issue is that I just cannot seem to forgive myself... I don't know if Kaya will forgive me... or if I can forgive Kaya... it's all a mess. I've made a giant mess, it's all my fault. I ruined my own life..." I clenched the crystal tight in my wings. "I wish... I wish I could fix everything. I wish I could be with Kaya again, to be by her side and pretend that all of this just never happened..."
Unbeknownst to me at this moment, the crystal in my wings would start to glow a very prominent purple color. It started glowing after I had made a wish...
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Post by Hanako Hoshidate on Jun 4, 2021 4:44:20 GMT
"Well, I've never had a partner, so I'm afraid I can't help you regarding Miss Kaya. The two of you will have to work that out yourselves." I said as I saw the crystal in his grip start to glow with his wish. I noticed Mint hop down and wander over to the morose Hawkmon, and hold his arms open in a welcoming gesture.
"Would you like a hug, Mr. Hawkmon? It might help you feel better." Mint offered. I doubted a hug would help much in this case, but I didn't have the heart to break it to the little guy
"At the very least, you can join us for lunch and think things over. We always bring extra food in case we run into any surprise guests." I said as I hopped off of the rock and started walking back towards my mother's location. "After all, it is in my nature to help others. Maybe that's pretty sappy or cliché, but it's the truth."
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Post by Kaya Matsui and Hawkeye on Jun 16, 2021 21:06:48 GMT
"How, though?" I asked Sakura after she said that Kaya and I would have to work out our issues. "I don't have a way to get back to the human world, and even if I did I don't have a holosuit anymore, and I have no clue on what I would even say to her... I messed everything up. This can't be fixed..." As much as I tried, I just simply could not stop the tears from falling down my face anymore. I was sad... I was in a situation that I got myself into and that I just couldn't undo.
I looked up and noticed a Terriermon walking up to me, his arms open and asking if I wanted a hug. I wiped my tears away and shook my head no. "Sorry kid but I don't really enjoy hugs all that much," I told him. It was a half truth. I hated hugs, but Kaya's... well, they were special.
Sakura then invited me over for lunch with her family, saying they brought extra food in case of guests. My stomach rumbled in response, probably loud enough for the Terriermon to hear. I placed a wing onto my abdomen. I was indeed starving, but I didn't feel ready to join a lunch with anyone right now.
"I don't feel comfortable eating with others yet," I called out to Sakura as she walked away, "but... I would appreciate it greatly if you brought me something..."
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Post by Hanako Hoshidate on Jun 27, 2021 4:09:22 GMT
"Alright, then. Give me a minute to get some food for you, then I'll leave you to eat in peace." I said, as I gestured for Mint to follow me. The little Terriermon seemed to get the message and toddled off after me so that Hawkeye could have his space. I would go over to my mom and give her a brief summary of the situation. Shae glanced over at Hawkeye before nodding and handing a decently-sized portion of food to bring back to the distraught Hawkmon.
"Here you go, Hawkeye. One packed lunch, courtesy of the De Rosa family. That should tide you over for a bit." I said as I walked back over towards Hawkeye's location and handed the wrapped bundle of good over to him. "All I can suggest is to maybe try and go through Terminus's Trailmon station if you want to try and head to the human world to try and patch things up with miss Kaya.I'll leave you alone to eat in peace."
As I walked away, I hoped Hawkeye would read the little note I slipped into the cloth-wrapped bundle of food.
Hawkeye,
I know that we don't know each other very well, but my family's door is always open if you need someone to talk to. On the other side of this note is the address, so you can find it if you decide to visit. No matter how you may feel, you don't have to go through this alone.
-Sakura De Rosa
[EXIT]
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