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Post by Kai Aizawa on Apr 20, 2022 5:59:47 GMT
"Inherited? That does change up a lot of variables. Such as are Spirits truly bound to their original owner, or could I steal your Digivice and use them myself. Not that I would mind you, but it does explain why you would be able to use your mother's spirits unless they too bonded to you like they did your mother." She said as she was trying to rethink the entire concept of spirit bonding now that she knew the origin of how Stacy got them. However she was starting to realize how that could have come across as negative as she went wide eyed for a second with embarrassment.
"Not to say you're not important or weren't chosen, just one potential argument that could be made if we think objectively." She said as she was trying to avoid any miscommunication as she would take a rather long sip as she was trying to get her bearings and calm down. She knew she needed to find another argument to counter balance the other one. "Though... On the other hand, there is something to be said about having a few grown adults being chosen. There are advantages to having someone tempered with wisdom, or an adult aware of the Digital World to help out keep covers in this world. You'd have to admit between the two of us, if we had to lie to the police to cover up a Digimon, your word would be more believable then my own. If whatever force is some sort of supercomputer, I'm sure it would see such factors and take them into account with each chosen one." She said as she was trying to show Stacy that being chosen older would have some advantages.
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Post by ricochet-Stacy on Apr 20, 2022 8:23:21 GMT
"I don't know why I was chosen over my two younger brothers but the spirit or whatever it was must of thought I was the best choice but also chose the spirits for my brothers while changing the the D-Tector to respond to me instead of my dying mother. At least my mother did the Digital World some good in her time though I don't know when she became a spirit wielder. That and she was also able to be a good mom." Stacy said before she continued "I guess when it comes to the chosen ones things aren't always so straightforward."
When Kai spoke of the advantages of those being chosen at an older age Stacy smiled before she said "You have a point. As the old saying goes age brings wisdom. Or at least some times anyway based on other adults I've seen in action. As for police not believing teens, even the ones that have never caused trouble, it can be frustrating as all of us have to deal with that nonsense at some point in our lives. Shame that some people aren't given the benefit of a doubt. As for cops talking to me, in America they would get frustrated when I would speak my peace and walk off. This is for the best as I am a terrible liar."
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Post by Kai Aizawa on Apr 22, 2022 6:18:36 GMT
Kai seemed to be visibly uncomfortable as Stacy talked about her mother, Kai did not know what to feel, envy, confusion, emptiness, or supportive. Kai was always like this when people talked about generous parents or the sort. The most support she got from her mother was a limit to four points of criticism when Kai did well.
She did not hesitate at all to move back towards the subject of the Digital World, wanting to psuh the concept of her mother out of her mind even if Stacy didn't mean to conjure demons from the younger girl's closet as she managed to hold back a tear seamlessly.
"Well, that just leaves the more, unflattering theories up for grabs then but most of them equate to your life being expendable so probably best to avoid those lines of thought." Kai said as she did consider several alternative ideas as she was not trying to insult Stacy in any way, but she was used to seeing both sides of any situation and justifying anything in both positive and negative ways.
"If you were a licensed therapist you'd basically be making a mint right now since you'd be able to talk to those who get, well... scarred from their experience on the other side of the gate." She said as she would think about another angle. "Then again, maybe fate just wanted someone without parental issues for once or someone that doesn't worry about test scores or have as much lies for keeping a double life."
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Post by ricochet-Stacy on Apr 22, 2022 6:46:44 GMT
Stacy took in how Kai seemed not so comfortable but what did she know about reading the room? At best her ability to read the room was hit or miss but decided not to pry further as she didn't want to accidentally anger Kai or make her more uncomfortable.
Stacy laughed heartily at the thought of being a therapist before she said "No offense to your observations, Kai, but just because I can interact with a small group of people with little trouble most of the time, I wouldn't do so well as a therapist. I have enough trouble reigning in my own emotions without worrying about others. That and if one client got really mad I would lose my temper and it could lead to a verbal war or a fist fist with my lose grip on keeping my fiery temper in check."
"As for parental issues let's just say you aren't the only one with a father you would never want to see again." Stacy said her grip on her cup tightening threatening to crush it before managing to get herself under control before setting the cup down and taking a deep breath.
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Post by Kai Aizawa on Apr 25, 2022 0:05:21 GMT
"I know. I don't suppose you could understand if I didn't show this..." She said pulling up a news article on her smartphone that she had saved, before sliding her phone over towards Stacy. The headline was 'Disgraced Politician sentenced, former wife assaults star witness daughter.' There was a picture of a rather well dressed woman being held back by what appeared to be her lawyer and a police officer with a body on the floor.
"At least you had a mother your whole life. Unconditional love, that's... not fair. Why does everyone get that, all I had was expectations, and with that gone all I have left is the rat race for no one's approval." She said as she was starting to let loose her feelings. Tera could hear within the Xros Loader and would be stunned silent by the revelation. Tera wanted to get out of version of a rat race for ages, it hadn't dawned on her that for some people that the race may be all some have.
"My mother chose wealth and status, never me... She can go find some other rich idiot for all I care." She said unaware there was a break in her voice pitch as she was resisting the urge to cry, to admit to even herself that she desperately wanted somewhere deep down for her mother to walk through the door and take her home. She she wanted, something she knew she couldn't ever get and the thought was too painful.
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Post by ricochet-Stacy on Apr 25, 2022 0:27:52 GMT
Stacy's attention snapped over to the smartphone that was slid over toward her and she stared at the headline. She typically gentle forty year old made a look of disgust at the headline as she shook with rage at the sight of the headline before looking at the picture. It was one thing to have one rotten parent but two. Somehow, though she didn't know how, she was able to calm herself as she gently pushed the smartphone back to Kai. If she looked at the picture for any longer she knew she had a chance of hulking out and despite being physically weak she knew she would of done some damage still if that were the case.
"Yeah I had my mother until I reached legal adult age even though she died of cancer when I was eighteen. I understand how you could find it not fair that I had someone when you probably didn't. However, as cold as this sounds, there are many other children just as bad off as you if not worse Kai. Like you I hate how unfair life can be. Especially since my brothers had to finish their childhood without our mom. The only saving grace they had is how close the three of us are in age so they were mostly grown despite being somewhat behind mentally so you can imagine how loosing a mother could derail the maturity of her three children since we all have some mental issues." Stacy said removing her glasses before wiping some stray tears that began to pool in her eyes. It seemed her tears were partly sympathetic as Kai's voice broke in pitch.
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Post by Kai Aizawa on Apr 26, 2022 7:01:43 GMT
" I'm sorry. You're... your right. It's unbecoming for me to complain about my own problems." She said after she heard Stacy talk about losing her own mother, making Kai feel incredibly guilty. She would restore her own walls quickly as she began to suppress her own emotions once again as her body language was once again becoming slightly rigid on cue. "I, apologize for being out of line. It's been a trying time and humans can only manage so much." She said easily and devoid of emotion, it was definitely a rehearsed face saving tactic of a politician.
Kai was clearly used to suppressing her feelings rather then expressing them in any regard. However deep down she didn't want to even admit to herself what she was feeling, a deep rooted envy and jealousy that Stacy had nearly two decades of a loving mother at all. She would take a sip as she would look down at the table in shame. It was mostly reflexive after her way of life. She didn't want to admit that any life with a caring parent would be better then anything.
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Post by ricochet-Stacy on Apr 26, 2022 9:18:22 GMT
"Why would venting about your problems be considered unbecoming?" Stacy said with a confused look on her face. Sure she herself wasn't always known for speaking up about her problems. Maybe it was because she was not known for being open with her problems. "Then again since I tend to have a bad habit of keeping things to myself due to my sense of pride. I am still that stubborn to this day which is crazy for a woman of my age." Stacy said with a shake of her head. She was one who comprehended therapists were important but her habit of not being open or opening up made therapy a tedious thing for her so she stopped long ago.
"Kai, you weren't out of line. You have every right to be disgusted by your parents and you are right about humans being able to only handle so much from the emotional aspect." Stacy then said in a calming tone she had picked up from her mother. Stacy watched Kai's posture carefully. Was it possible the teen was jealous of her? Maybe given her history with both of her parents.
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Post by Kai Aizawa on May 1, 2022 5:15:07 GMT
"Emotions and feelings are meant to be personal matters that never leave the home. Never meant to influence others. Otherwise nothing ever gets done. I chose to not have a family, it's not fair that I let any emotional fallout come to affect how I interact with others." She said as she would unknowingly show just how much she was hurting by the fact that she considers herself responsible for the breakup of her family, in addition to the behavior she was programed with. Her parents drilled keeping a level headed public image into her and those mannerisms stuck with her all throughout her life.
In truth, despite Kai's ability to grind and work hard at nearly any task she sets her mind to with diligence and grace, but inevitably at the end of the days it all becomes empty. Hearing about others who had loving parents who doted on them for just being who they are seemed to be a foreign concept that she shrugs off, though looks over her shoulder longingly at when no one is looking.
"Principles and results are all that matter."
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Post by ricochet-Stacy on May 1, 2022 5:43:39 GMT
"Don't take this the wrong way, Kai, but that has to be the most ridiculous thing I've heard recently and I used to be friends with a very eccentric mad scientist with a dubious sense of morals. Like it or not it is perfectly natural for emotions to influence others for better or worse. We as humans are often dependent on those emotional influences to function. Why else would we have evolved as a social species." Stacy said leaning back in her seat and again taking hold of her coffee taking a sip since she was much calmer again. "As for not having a family, I wouldn't worry about it too much. After all I'm forty years old and have no children of my own. Hell my younger brothers are enough of a handful at times but they are good people despite their faults."
"Yes principles and results matter but they aren't the only things that matter in life. Perhaps one day you'll move past the programming that seems to have been put into your head by that garbage that are your parents. Though calling them garbage may be an insult to garbage."
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Post by Kai Aizawa on May 5, 2022 3:58:15 GMT
"I... just don't see any other way to live." Kai said as she was unaware of how repressed her depression is. She would take another sip of her tea. "Being raised under a politician, good or bad, is hell. What you see, is just me, trying to save face and maintain a neutral image so reflexively i can do it more automatically then breathing. I never got to make mistakes, always perfecting right before I could. My days as a kid at the park for fresh air were just reading literature with fresh air. Granted I enjoyed that, but..." She said as she was starting to open up again.
"It's not like I wish I could go back to those days. Always dealing with 'what if you get a sibling and set the worst example, what if daddy loses friends cause they can't handle a brat, do you want to be thrown away to your mean grandmother?', the last one was a lie. My grandmother only hates my father for his shadiness." She confessed, truth be told even when her parents abandoned her, the pressure from those remarks never got removed from Kai's shoulders. Kai let out a deep breath as she finished her cup. "Politicians and power seekers should never have families, kids born into such families get cheated out of too much."
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Post by ricochet-Stacy on May 5, 2022 4:16:31 GMT
Man hearing Kai talk about her upbringing was depressing and it though it made Stacy's blood boil that the younger girl didn't have the room to be forgiven for making mistakes, she was able to keep it mostly to herself this time with the only physical response being her slightly tightening the grip on her coffee but not to the crushing degree fortunately. Somehow the forty year old still remain mostly tranquil in appearance as she then took another sip of her drink before setting it down. Then she fidgeted in her seat an audible pop coming from her back which caused Stacy to do no more than mildly flinch in discomfort before she settled again.
"It's normal for one to wish they could go back to the old days to possibly correct errors of the past. Believe me I would know as my childhood wasn't exactly perfect either but you seem to have had it just as bad if not worse." Stacy said her appearance taking on the pose of someone seemingly wiser than she appeared most of the time. Yes she had her moments of wisdom which she rarely got to share with others so she at times surprised herself.
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Post by Kai Aizawa on May 9, 2022 6:02:29 GMT
"If I had the chance, I'd have gone back and tossed my mother into a ditch to prevent my own birth. Since there's no other move I can make if I were to go back and do anything differently. No one singular change would've made a difference." Kai said as she was starting to think about the scenario of fixing anything in her life but even she knew that there was no win in the hypothetical scenario if she could later her own life.
"Honestly, I hear about girls who want to be princesses or at the top of whatever, but they really can't appreciate what either means. It's not all warm and fuzzy, there's cold and grueling work involved. My peers call me Princess since I manage to actually swim against all the pressures I got and can avoid sinking for another day." She said with a lot of regret.
"But what people don't like is that the higher someone looks, the more they burn for their mistakes and flaws. Some days I can't breathe, but yet I get to look around me as people can fail and laugh about it, why do people get to laugh and get up but I got to be crucified..." Kai said whispering towards the end, it was quite clear just how fragile she was, and apparently it took a whole other world to find her breaking point.
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Post by ricochet-Stacy on May 9, 2022 6:18:06 GMT
"Boy do I understand that feeling all too well." Stacy said with a sigh before she said "As much as I loved my own mother I wished I could of had the guts to beat the shit out of my dad when I was a teenager. He spent time trying to make himself seem better than me when I think he was threatened by the fact that my brothers and I, despite our learning disabilities, are smarter than he is." Her issues with her dad were far more complex than she was saying but Kai was having enough problems without dragging hers into the mix too.
"I agree that one should be able to make mistakes without being cut down for them. However there are people that are either insecure about themselves so they try to cut down those that are confident. Then there are people that torment others because, well how else can I say it, but they are just assholes." Stacy said as she reached out to pat Kai's arm. Sure she wasn't the touchy feely type so this was the first thing that came to her mind.
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Post by Kai Aizawa on May 14, 2022 21:15:06 GMT
"Only a fool looks down on someone with a disability, handicaps can be more dangerous to able bodied folk cause of compensation, learning to do things in ways that wouldn't occur to others, learning disabilities aren't too entirely far off, being able to think differently can provide clarity in unexpected ways." She said as she was being honest, she was a realist at heart and was quite aware of how evolution works; plus she learned from her own experiences to beware of vipers hidden in plain sight given that she used to be one.
"After all, a crouching mantis can be more threatening then a roaring lion if given the chance. People who think something as foolish as a disability reduces someone tend to open themselves to be quite, blindsided. Adaptability is a dangerous concept." She explained her views on the subject. She was not one to immediately assume a bad hand is impossible to win with, more like she was in a position where she couldn't admit it as that would mean admitting her own life is beyond salvage. "Plus trying to appear better then anyone else is a flawed concept in of itself as it ends up with people trying to suppress skills of others, counterintuitive to the point of a civilization of coming together for support in the greater good."
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