The Morning After (SOLO)

"How's your head, human? Is it any better?"

"How's your head? It's a pumpkin."


Walker was still lying on his back. From this vantage point, he could see that he was in a field of tall grass. It appeared to be a clear summer's day. His mind was in a dull haze. It felt as though his brain had become lead, and had somehow settled at the back of his head. The ground was warm and dry, and a gentle breeze moved through the grass. The sky was a deep, cloudless blue. The fact that it was supposedly late November momentarily distracted Walker from the most alarming oddity. A Jack'o'Lantern was staring down at him. He wasn't sure how long it had been there, and somehow, it was talking to him.

"Yes, I know my head is a pumpkin." the Pumpkinmon said in a patient tone.
"It's a gourd. Your head is a gourd." Walker heard himself say. He could hear he was mumbling through his words. His mouth felt like something dead and dessicated had taken up residence.
"I'm aware of that, yes."
"Cool. How's that working out for you? Your gourd head."
The Pumpkinmon shrugged. "I don't know, I'm comfortable with myself. Can you sit up?"
Walker slowly managed to roll onto his side. His legs and arms felt heavy and sore. He immediately recognized the feeling as being more than merely the result of a long night of drinking. The stiffness in his limbs meant he'd been walking for a long time.

After a few moments, he was sitting up straight. The pumpkin-headed creature's face was at the same level as his. Whatever the hell it was, it was very short. It stared at him expectantly.

"Where the hell am I, tiny gourd man?" he asked slowly, looking the odd creature up and down.
It looked something like a dwarf in a onesie and oven mitts with a pumpkin for a head. Maybe it was cosplay or some strange kink. Who was he to judge? He gave his surroundings a quick and dizzy once-over.
As he did, he noticed that several objects were littered around him, including the small transparent plastic pet carrier. He could see that the red plastic lid still appeared to be firmly closed.
"I don't think these plains have ever really had a name, to be honest." the Pumpkinmon said, surveying the land with a contented expression.
Walker took a mental note to figure out how a pumpkin was able to display emotion.
"My village is in the woods just south of here. We've always just called it 'the forest', and these are 'the plains'. They never really needed a name. It's too dangerous beyond here, anyway. None of us venture out very far."
Walker nodded, picking up the pet carrier. The small black blob inside appeared relatively unharmed and somewhat pleased to see him. The Pumpkinmon had begun to gather up the scattered objects. "Are all of these yours?" it asked, holding up the items. A dim memory worked its way to the surface. The items were familiar, but he didn't know why. The Pumpkinmon was holding a black sequin-coated handbag, an unfamiliar ancient-looking pink flip-phone with an excessive amount of charms hanging off of it, a silver flask, and a dirty rubber workboot several sizes too big to possibly belong to Walker. A number of small items were stuffed into the boot and were spilling onto the ground. Walker picked one up for closer inspection.
"Why is this boot filled with miniature cans of shaving cream? And travel toothpaste?" he asked, as if the Pumpkinmon somehow knew. The odd creature put the items down in a neat pile in between them. Walker set down the pet carrier and quickly snapped up the flask and gave it a small shake. "Good, mine's only half full."
He paused. He reached into his back pocket and fished out the flask. It was a bit more full than he had thought, which was a matter of some relief.
A brief, fuzzy memory popped into his mind. Something to do with the flask seeing some use.
"Right, because we..." He looked over at the pet carrier. "Rex...I took you out. You were terrible for picking up women. Terrible. I should have got a dog."
The Pumpkinmon looked quizzical. "Do you know how you got here?"
Walker held out a hand to silence the creature. "Maybe, maybe. Don't rush me. I was in...Roppongi Hills. I was trying to get into a club, I got kicked out, but I went to an all-night convenience store and...I...Did I steal a vending machine? I was in the forest, somehow, but like, with a vending machine?"
"Do you mean the Vend-O Monolith? The white metal box?"
Walker nodded, still lost in thought. The Pumpkinmon's face lit up, both figuratively and literally. Walker cringed.
His headache was still too severe to try and figure out what this thing was, or how it did that.
"You know what the Monolith is? The village elders have been trying to unlock the Monolith's mysteries for generations."
"Yeah, I guess. I could use something to eat."
The Pumpkinmon looked delighted. "There's plenty of food back in my village. The elders would love to meet a human!"
Walker let out a weak laugh. He had finally slipped, apparently. Somebody must have stuck something in his drink. Maybe he slipped and hit his head on a curb and was in a coma. Or he had experienced a Rip Van Winkle incident in which he had awoken in a distant future that was ruled by dwarves with pumpkins for heads. Maybe he had finally lost his tenuous grip on reality. The hangover wasn't helping the situation, either.

As he mulled over the bleak possibilities, the Pumpkinmon started looking concerned. "Human?"
it said, leaning in. The human wasn't anything like the elders said it would be. It was beginning to wonder if it was such a good idea to lead it back to the village. 
Walker finally broke the silence. "Sure, fuck it, whatever. Yeah. Lead the way, buddy."