MPC 114D: Shirou's Game (Finished)
Feb 8, 2024 9:31:56 GMT
Post by Dante on Feb 8, 2024 9:31:56 GMT
MPC: 114D Ad Playing
Reward: Bits
Word Count: 1272
___________________
Are you tired of your family simulation game failing to save, and taking half an hour to load? Are you sick of the third person shooter clones flooding the market? Are you pissed off that a bunch of soft dweebs are rewriting one of your favorite games from 20 years ago?
Wormmon: "I sure am!"
Then I have just the thing for you. Hello there. I'm Shirou. Some call me the future of technological development. Some call me creepy bastard. I'm the guy that got too big for small roles, so now I mostly just pop up and break the fourth wall by breaking into the narrator's room. Well, I'm narrator tonight, baby, and I bring to you the best gaming experience since Nintendo got grandmas around the globe to get up and pretend to play tennis.
I present to you, Shirou's game. It's a virtual reality MMORPG. Are you one of those dorks that likes fantasy crap like knights and wizards? Or are you one of those neckbeards who plays futuristic games about robots and strange looking alien females? Well, my game has both fantasy and sci-fi elements. You ever want your mage rocking a bazooka, this is the game for you, loser.
To play my game, you must lock yourself inside one of my high-tech stasis pods, complete with all the food, bathroom utilities, and pictures of Renamon you need to survive. Then, you put on the helmet and gloves to enter a full 3D 4K HD world where you can recreate all your fun times in World of Warcraft, before you got tired of trash randos failing basic dungeons and quit.
The fun times are endless. Kill a bandit leader and become the new bandit king. Spend 400 hours leveling up your fishing skill. Come check out the game with the most loot boxes, loot crates, loot bux, loot coins, and the most expensive premium plan yet. Want to get a super rare skin? $200 cash, and it's yours! My game has the largest character creation system in history. You'll spend more time making your first character than you did experiencing true love in your life.
Dante: "I used to be a somewhat normal, barely functioning member of society. Now, I play Shirou's game for 12 hours a day, and watch MeTube videos about the game for 4 hours after that. My social life is gone, and I couldn't be happier!"
Why go to the bar and hit on fat redneck women when you can be talking to a dude with a sexy elf princess character? Jiggle physics for life.
Bo: "I met my girlfriend on Shirou's Game. She takes her clothes off online for money."
Are you tired of your punkass college not wanting you to roleplay a character in a tabletop game that hates elves? Well, my game does what no other game has before. It lets you customize your racism. Just go to the prejudice tab, and you can set your opinion on each in game race. Discover rare loot boxes, and you can unlock even more racist dialog options, like, "I hate elves! Always riding around on unicorns, thinking they are better than me."
You might be wondering, what is the one feature that truly stands out as the most definitive key to a halfway playable game? My game has the most immersive feature of all time. When you take damage in the game, you feel pain in real life. Some minor damage won't bother you too much, but lose 25% of your health, and you'll think you just fell down a flight of stairs. 50%, you might not feel your feet for a day or two. Of course, if you die in the game, you'll feel a pain that feels worse than losing a save after you just completed the token BS part of your favorite game. Keep your guard poems to yourself, Fable. We've had players require immediate medical evacuation in both raids, and Player vs Player. Sounds like a skill issue.
Ravenna: "The chicks are hot, and it's a great way to manipulate weak men."
Live out your fantasy as a crazed wizard making potions in a tower and exchanging them for Korean money. Wander the land in real time as a filthy traveling merchant. Lose millions in child support playing a bard. Pretend you're not emotionally unstable while still rolling a rogue. Develop a deep-seated hatred for all of humanity by playing a Healer. The tanks never wait for you to refill mana. Collect a wide variety of exciting pets, and interact with them in new and exciting ways, now with one hand mode.
And of course, if you're one of those eternally depressed, unstable, self-righteous only child types with a creepy religious childhood, fulfill your fantasy of being a holy knight fighting for justice and an uncaring god by rolling a Paladin! Separate the balls of your enemies with hundreds of thousands of abilities that you have to use in specific orders for maximum damage, or you are just a scrub. Go play fortnite with the other small-brained peasants. You would think having a wide variety of skills and utilities as a Paladin would make for an ideal Tank or DPS, but be amazed when people still bitch at you and demand you heal. I already told you, healing is for people who haven't yet given up all hope of happiness on this planet.
Still not convinced? What if I throw in 20 expansion packs, Shirou's Game Classic, 10 meaningless loot boxes, and a shirt that says, "What's a female?" I mean, you might as well throw your pathetic life away and dump as much time as possible into grinding away in my virtual gaming empire. It's not like you're doing anything relevant with yourself. Just slowly fading away, time and opportunities pass you by, friends fade away, friends... Whoah there, I almost felt human emotion again. My game is so addictive, you'll forget about all your insignificant problems in the real world, and instead focus on getting that extra 2% of damage on your epic wristbands that won't be meta about 5 minutes after you get them.
Dante: "It's the ultimate weeb fantasy. There's no life like the no life."
Wormmon: "I used to get in trouble when I'd fire off military lasers in public. Now, I got a loot box that makes my victims explode into confetti."
Cassius: "I got an achievement for sleeping with 50 gnomes."
Wait, Cassius?! I thought you were killed off years ago for chasing dirty children around with knives.
Cassius: "Yeah, but it's an MPC, so who cares? Time for my jazz number! Hey, baby, I hear the blues a callin'..."
No! Stop it! You are ruining my commercial. Here I was, finishing up my sales pitch, and you had to come in here and break the 4th wall. Is this what I've been doing to people?
Dante: "Hey, it's okay, man. I like when you interject."
Ravenna: "It beats having to write you as a main antagonist and kicking your ass again."
Thanks, you guys. Now I won't bounce the checks I was going to pay you for appearing in this commercial. Shirou's Game! Now with 2000% more giant lava spiders. Get your momma's credit card now!
*Glass shatters*
What the hell was that?!
*Footsteps approaching. The original narrator enters the narration booth with a shotgun.*
Narrator: "I've got a sweet gig, and I'm not going to let you take it."
No, wait. Please, it was just this once. What are you doing? Don't point that at my Hatsune Miku figurine. Noooooo!
Reward: Bits
Word Count: 1272
___________________
Are you tired of your family simulation game failing to save, and taking half an hour to load? Are you sick of the third person shooter clones flooding the market? Are you pissed off that a bunch of soft dweebs are rewriting one of your favorite games from 20 years ago?
Wormmon: "I sure am!"
Then I have just the thing for you. Hello there. I'm Shirou. Some call me the future of technological development. Some call me creepy bastard. I'm the guy that got too big for small roles, so now I mostly just pop up and break the fourth wall by breaking into the narrator's room. Well, I'm narrator tonight, baby, and I bring to you the best gaming experience since Nintendo got grandmas around the globe to get up and pretend to play tennis.
I present to you, Shirou's game. It's a virtual reality MMORPG. Are you one of those dorks that likes fantasy crap like knights and wizards? Or are you one of those neckbeards who plays futuristic games about robots and strange looking alien females? Well, my game has both fantasy and sci-fi elements. You ever want your mage rocking a bazooka, this is the game for you, loser.
To play my game, you must lock yourself inside one of my high-tech stasis pods, complete with all the food, bathroom utilities, and pictures of Renamon you need to survive. Then, you put on the helmet and gloves to enter a full 3D 4K HD world where you can recreate all your fun times in World of Warcraft, before you got tired of trash randos failing basic dungeons and quit.
The fun times are endless. Kill a bandit leader and become the new bandit king. Spend 400 hours leveling up your fishing skill. Come check out the game with the most loot boxes, loot crates, loot bux, loot coins, and the most expensive premium plan yet. Want to get a super rare skin? $200 cash, and it's yours! My game has the largest character creation system in history. You'll spend more time making your first character than you did experiencing true love in your life.
Dante: "I used to be a somewhat normal, barely functioning member of society. Now, I play Shirou's game for 12 hours a day, and watch MeTube videos about the game for 4 hours after that. My social life is gone, and I couldn't be happier!"
Why go to the bar and hit on fat redneck women when you can be talking to a dude with a sexy elf princess character? Jiggle physics for life.
Bo: "I met my girlfriend on Shirou's Game. She takes her clothes off online for money."
Are you tired of your punkass college not wanting you to roleplay a character in a tabletop game that hates elves? Well, my game does what no other game has before. It lets you customize your racism. Just go to the prejudice tab, and you can set your opinion on each in game race. Discover rare loot boxes, and you can unlock even more racist dialog options, like, "I hate elves! Always riding around on unicorns, thinking they are better than me."
You might be wondering, what is the one feature that truly stands out as the most definitive key to a halfway playable game? My game has the most immersive feature of all time. When you take damage in the game, you feel pain in real life. Some minor damage won't bother you too much, but lose 25% of your health, and you'll think you just fell down a flight of stairs. 50%, you might not feel your feet for a day or two. Of course, if you die in the game, you'll feel a pain that feels worse than losing a save after you just completed the token BS part of your favorite game. Keep your guard poems to yourself, Fable. We've had players require immediate medical evacuation in both raids, and Player vs Player. Sounds like a skill issue.
Ravenna: "The chicks are hot, and it's a great way to manipulate weak men."
Live out your fantasy as a crazed wizard making potions in a tower and exchanging them for Korean money. Wander the land in real time as a filthy traveling merchant. Lose millions in child support playing a bard. Pretend you're not emotionally unstable while still rolling a rogue. Develop a deep-seated hatred for all of humanity by playing a Healer. The tanks never wait for you to refill mana. Collect a wide variety of exciting pets, and interact with them in new and exciting ways, now with one hand mode.
And of course, if you're one of those eternally depressed, unstable, self-righteous only child types with a creepy religious childhood, fulfill your fantasy of being a holy knight fighting for justice and an uncaring god by rolling a Paladin! Separate the balls of your enemies with hundreds of thousands of abilities that you have to use in specific orders for maximum damage, or you are just a scrub. Go play fortnite with the other small-brained peasants. You would think having a wide variety of skills and utilities as a Paladin would make for an ideal Tank or DPS, but be amazed when people still bitch at you and demand you heal. I already told you, healing is for people who haven't yet given up all hope of happiness on this planet.
Still not convinced? What if I throw in 20 expansion packs, Shirou's Game Classic, 10 meaningless loot boxes, and a shirt that says, "What's a female?" I mean, you might as well throw your pathetic life away and dump as much time as possible into grinding away in my virtual gaming empire. It's not like you're doing anything relevant with yourself. Just slowly fading away, time and opportunities pass you by, friends fade away, friends... Whoah there, I almost felt human emotion again. My game is so addictive, you'll forget about all your insignificant problems in the real world, and instead focus on getting that extra 2% of damage on your epic wristbands that won't be meta about 5 minutes after you get them.
Dante: "It's the ultimate weeb fantasy. There's no life like the no life."
Wormmon: "I used to get in trouble when I'd fire off military lasers in public. Now, I got a loot box that makes my victims explode into confetti."
Cassius: "I got an achievement for sleeping with 50 gnomes."
Wait, Cassius?! I thought you were killed off years ago for chasing dirty children around with knives.
Cassius: "Yeah, but it's an MPC, so who cares? Time for my jazz number! Hey, baby, I hear the blues a callin'..."
No! Stop it! You are ruining my commercial. Here I was, finishing up my sales pitch, and you had to come in here and break the 4th wall. Is this what I've been doing to people?
Dante: "Hey, it's okay, man. I like when you interject."
Ravenna: "It beats having to write you as a main antagonist and kicking your ass again."
Thanks, you guys. Now I won't bounce the checks I was going to pay you for appearing in this commercial. Shirou's Game! Now with 2000% more giant lava spiders. Get your momma's credit card now!
*Glass shatters*
What the hell was that?!
*Footsteps approaching. The original narrator enters the narration booth with a shotgun.*
Narrator: "I've got a sweet gig, and I'm not going to let you take it."
No, wait. Please, it was just this once. What are you doing? Don't point that at my Hatsune Miku figurine. Noooooo!
