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Post by Bonetrousled? on Nov 13, 2017 23:07:17 GMT
"Come now. It isn't selfish." There was a sorrowful yet understanding smile on Daomon's face. Whether they were simply good at reading people or were outright reading Cion's mind, it was clear that Daomon wasn't exactly going to let the worry pass. "When you devote your life to a cause, it's only natural to want to see that cause furthered. Especially when, by this point, you've devoted several of your lives. Were it all for nothing, you'd be crushed. Not even for wasting your own life, but for the wastes of the spark of goodness inside others. And some days, it is all too easy to feel like it was for nothing.
I should know. While not on such a grand scale, I have pursued much the same. And I, too, have feared it was for naught several times. And yet, were that the truth, would I not have turned my back on this place long ago? You've seen for yourself the fruit cultivated here. Were none of it worth saving, what Digimon with any other option would even think to stay?" Daomon's voice had been primarily neutral throughout this day, and yet now there was a touch of bitterness underlying it. Their brow, highlighted by their pale grey fur, furrowed subtly yet noticeably. It was clear that Cion wasn't alone in her own frustrations.
Daomon's earlier negative forecast seemed to leave Cion a little bit dejected, her voice trailing off as the enormity of change fell down upon her shoulders once more. "It truly is," they agreed. "And yet, I assure you. Were it not for those like you, it would be even more a pity what the state of the world would fall into. Even as the gravity of the world keeps it in one place, your concentrated efforts hold it aloft, little by little. The day the last good-minded individual gives up is the day we all fall."
Daomon's words of caution earned a slight perk of their ears, especially once Cion reacted rather harshly to them. Although, was she apologizing for them? Daomon's warm, gentle laugh echoed through the room. "You have no need to apologize," they said. "I laid a harsh accusation at your feet to see how you would react. It was a cruel trick, and yet an eye-opening one. You see your place in life being challenged, and yet rather than resent the living symbol of this challenge you abhor the very idea. It is proof to me that you will never slide back in the ways you may fear. It is proof that you are resolute in your pursuit of justice, rather than letting it falter in the face of personal struggle. Nevertheless, my apologies for such a . . . sudden question."
So that was Cion's plan. Give little Logan a life that was free from the ghosts of her past. Truly, it was an admirable goal. "Noble," the Daomon commented, simply. It was an idea they both came to, so it wasn't like Daomon had much further room for praise or questioning. What he did have room to question, on the other hand, was the state of the duo's emotions. Cion held tight to her memories, while Owen held tight to his promises. Even if he found another more appealing, he still honored the bond forged in their words, their deeds, and their scarves. Even if not in the way Cion had intended, they had continued stepping into the world together.
Briefly, Daomon let out a hum. "And would you feel happier if your perspective was the same? To remember, yet not to feel?" Daomon asked, folding their hands over their lap. The moon seemed awfully high in the sky today, didn't it?
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Post by Cion on Nov 15, 2017 19:04:46 GMT
But wasn't she in truth selfish, her happiness heavily depending on that of others, except today? Listening to the kind and supportive Daomon, the amounts of nails he hit on the head were almost staggering. They way he put it, it was almost exactly how the Arnamon felt this night, especially with the feeling of universal loss due to losing the one she loved so much. When everything you ever knew seemed to meaningless, all efforts in vain, then what point was there in even existing? Well... Logan was probably a good point.
But again, she had been selfish, as she was certainly not the only one that had to deal with disappoint, anguish and Weltschmerz. The very digimon that listened and talked with her in this late hour knew the struggle of helping others. But he found satisfaction in what he had achieved, even if his achievements had often been small. The fact alone that he had remained was proof of that, and perhaps the fact that Cion was here at all to contemplate his words was proof that she was not truly giving up, just succumbing to despair. Maybe... friends like the twins, Colin and Brad were all she needed to find hope again.
The vulpine yet again let out a quiet sigh, gaze shifting to her wonderful host, giving him a faint yet honest smile as if she had calmed down a little; at least for his sake. "Same to you." She replied to the heart-warming credit she received, feeling that Daomon earned it just as much. And he had an excellent point she had not even considered before. If she had not done all the good deeds throughout her lives, how would the world look now? Slightly darker, or perhaps much worse. She would never be able to know, but this idea alone made her work feel like having some inherent meaning.
And maybe that was why she had stood her ground firmly, vowing that she would be the best possible aunt for him. This actually caused her host to laugh a little, prompting her to giggle weakly as well. "Force of habit, hehe. And no reason to apologize. No, I must thank you. It was... at least one of many wake up calls I really needed." Cion replied, the gratitude in her voice absolutely genuine, despite still being a bit agitated by all of that.
Yet she had a clear plan, was it noble or not, and she would pursue it with the best of her abilities. That was not the problem, or at least no longer. As she still leaned into her chair, it became clear that it was her memories that were the very source of the living nightmare that haunted her. Be it fortune or misfortune for Owen to no longer having any feelings associated with them, to her it was the worst curse imaginable, knowing that she would never be able to understand her, and that she had to live with them day in and day out.
Her eyes widened and her ears peaked when Daomon put forth an idea that caused her entire being to stop for a moment, deadly silence entering the living room. Her eyes slowly swayed in almost all directions, almost as if she was incapable of comprehending what the digimon sitting opposite to her had just said. "I... I don't know. But maybe... it'd be the best... for everyone." She replied very quietly, her head shaking ever so faintly. "But... what does it matter? I remember... it's how I was reborn." The Arnamon figured, holding tight to both scarf and blanket as she noted the... firm stance of Daomon.
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Post by Bonetrousled? on Nov 26, 2017 6:02:52 GMT
Daomon simply shrugged at Cion's response. "I simply do what I've done for years now," they said. "Unlike you, I have lacked the ambition to perform such grand designs. I simply hear the concerns of those who wish to be heard. Perhaps in my youth I had, yet it has been so long that I must admit I do not remember. Perhaps it is for the best, though. If I am here, clearly it is so I am supposed to be here." Whether this was humility or just a frank admission of Daomon's lot in life was unclear. The lack of reactivity or strong emotion that Daomon had shown this whole conversation was likely just as vexing as it was reassuring.
As Cion mentioned needing a wake up call, Daomon cocked an eyebrow in interest. "To admit such is quite a powerful thing indeed," Daomon said. "Were all to admit their weaknesses as such, perhaps the world would be a less tense place." Still, that was all that needed to be said on the issue from here, no? Both Cion and Daomon were aware of where they stood, seemingly all for the better.
With their earlier philosophy and pleasantries out of the way, now Daomon could focus on the heart of the matter. Cion seemed to be under the impression that it was too late for her to change her memories, even after being exposed to them for thousands of years. "It may not be so binary as you think," Daomon said, thoughtfully tapping on their chin. "You see, I have long been in the possession of a rather strange gift. I can fragment infinitesimally small portions of a Digimon's core, blocking out the feelings and memories associated with the areas. With this, I have eased the pains of those for whom no other form of relief exists.
However, it is not a decision that I believe any should accept lightly. It is one I feel should be solely for those with irreparable pain in their hearts, for whom no peace shall be known besides. Please, do not allow me telling you this to come off as demanding you undergo the procedure. Only you can know if this is correct for you.
You have said to forget is probably for the best. Do you well and truly believe this?"
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Post by Cion on Nov 26, 2017 9:18:51 GMT
"You have found your place in the world, and it's one of virtue and goodwill. If you are content with it as well... then it's perfect." She spoke with utmost compassion her voice, clearly certain that the Daomon did just fine on a small scale. Digimons were needed on both sides, the big and the smaller, and to her it appeared her host did an excellent job in the latter. But she also had to admit that she was not like him. She had seen the outside over and over again, met so many people and helped out wherever possible. While there was individual change, that grand scheme of things seemed incessant regardless.
Cion did not mind how composed the Daomon had been throughout the entire conversation. They had been having brief moments of joy and laughter, and if it was his way of coping with the reality around him, then that was perfectly fine. He was kind regardless, and it indeed required a certain amount of professional distance as not to be crushed by one's own ambitions. Huh... perhaps that was another reason why she was so fragile today, letting things go to her head and all. Yet she felt more at peace already, at least for the moment.
The Arnamon only nodded quietly in response to his wise words, believing that a bit of reflection and acceptance in everyone could do wonders for the overall well-being of the digital world's population. Once more however, this was nothing that could be forced and likely had to be done on an individual basis, just as her gentle host had done with her. But the time had come for their earlier philosophizing and pleasantries to cease since the crux of this night's trepidation had to be tackled once and for all.
The utter shock that overcame her whole being was carved into her face, unyielding and haunting. The words that Daomon were uttering, they caused her very core to falter, breath turning shallow and frequent yet inaudible. This power he claimed to possess, it was miraculous... and too good to be true. Was this fate, an illusion or a dream? Had she collapsed and had her mind forged this reality to bring her peace? No... all of this felt real. The sudden knowledge that she could alter herself to adapt to the current life... she had to confess that now where it was in reach, it filled her with hesitation.
The decision was ultimately to her, as was the inner struggle that was visible on the outside as well. To become like Owen... separated from the things that once were. Her ties with him had always been so tight and strong, what would... what did it mean for her if she let go? Her whole existence had been bound to him, his ideals and his kindness. She had accepted all of it and embraced it, finding joy and contentment. Even if that was over now, what was she without all of this?
"I..." Cion tried to form an answer, but the difficulty behind it was clear as day. There were so many factors, so many possibilities, so many potential gains and losses that had to be considered. How could one possibly make such a heavy decision? "I... don't know." She admitted freely, shakiness previously thought vanquished returning. "I just... I want to find happiness in them so I can look towards the future again; and properly take care of Logan, and my friends, and all those in need. But how could I when... I look at them now... all I ultimately see is this night of sudden of a sudden final stroke?"
It was clear that she wanted to deal with her memories in a mature and reasonable way so she could return to whom she enjoyed to be. She was a digimon that found contentment in seeing others happy, which was an aspect she did not know the origin of. Was it her own, or was it part of a memory she'd lose as well? Gosh, without that blasted Gaomon, who was she truly? Always living with his heart in mind and titanic ambitions had left her completely disoriented this night. If only... if only she could see everything for herself once more, gaining clarity by not having her current emotional instability taint everything else.
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