MPC 90C: I Have to Get Up.
Sept 25, 2021 21:45:53 GMT
Post by supesman on Sept 25, 2021 21:45:53 GMT
All Zack could do was stare out at nothing, looking out into the endless navy blues and blacks of the night sky as he sat on the edge of a rooftop and watched the starless night skies of Shibuya, soaked nearly daylight with the neon and the street lamps of a city that never truly laid its head to sleep. What he was looking at was not what he was seeing however. The only thing he could see, the only thing he had seen for the past few days, eyes open or closed, helmet on or off, was that building crashing down into a plume of smoke and dust, and Psych vanishing underneath it. he rewound the entire night in his head over and over again, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second. Could he have hit the Grandmaster faster here? Harder there? Could he have gotten the plate cover off the circuit breaker faster? Could he have done...something? Anything at all?
"Dad?...Dad please..." Marigold said, her voice reduced to a whine as she pushed at his shoulder, digging the points of her legs against his shoulder as if desperate to provoke some reaction. Her father had totally shut up inside himself. he had fed her, bathed her, tucked her in at night the same as always but his smile had vanished. he walked the streets at night, listening for the sound of scream or shouts but there was none of the bantering joy in it for him anymore. It was like watching the man who had cradled her in his arms die right before her eyes and then just keep on living.
"I should have...I could have..." He said, bracing his face to his hands, tears sliding out over his cheeks again. The only two sentences he could bring himself to even half say anymore. Wracking his brain for some change he could have made, as if seeking out guilt to damn himself with. He had always been ready to make the sacrifice play, he had never relished the thought of hugging Marigold one last time and asking her to tell his mother he had been brave in the end, but at least he had been ready to do it, should push come to shove. What he hadn't been ready for was for someone else to take that play in his place. For a smart, noble, respectable man to give up everything in some small part so Zack wouldn't have to.
"...you could have died..." Marigold said, her voice breaking, the dam finally bursting. She buried her head in his chest, grabbing hold of his shoulders and just shattering in his arms, soaking the front of his coat in her tears. She had tried to be strong, to be positive, to be the kind of woman that she thought he was raising her to be. He looked down at her, shaken from staring off into the past for the first time in days, snapped back to reality as if not knowing where he was. "You could have died, I thought...I thought that he was going to take me away from you and I..." She stammered, remembering the way the Grandmaster had placed her greatest fear right in front of her face, ripping her hand away from her father's. She had nearly lost control, stopped pulling her punches, she had almost killed Weston, an innocent, before she would even think to let that happen. "I can't go on without you, dad...please...Psych saved us both and I can't...I can't live if this kills you too..." She said, trembling, her entire body shaking as her heart poured out onto him. She felt him twitch, picking up her eyes only a moment before he wrapped his arms around her, tears pouring from his cheeks as they embraced.
"I'm still here, bug...I'm still here..." He said, repeating it as if to make it real. Psych hadn't laid it all down so that Zack could just drag his feet through the rest of his life. He hadn't given up everything so that Zack could give up everything too. There was no point in letting the guilt and the hurt of that failure bury him because then... "it would have been for nothing...and I won't let it be for nothing..." He said, taking in a few deep breaths, pushing himself up to his feet on the eve of that rooftop with a snarl. He wouldn't let it kill him, he wouldn't allow it. "Psych buried that bastard, and I will not give him any ounce of satisfaction in hell knowing that he took me with him. Not for another second can he claim that victory." He says, zipping up his jacket, pulling his helmet down over his head. He looked out over that skyline and saw it, not the same way he used to but with the same fire and vigor in his eyes. His fists tightened hard enough to make his gloves creak. "I couldn't save him. Maybe I made a mistake somewhere I can't take back, maybe I had no hope of changing the outcome no matter what...doesn't matter. I won't forgive, I won't forget but I won't stand here and waste away either..." He said, louder now, shouting it into the night air as if making a challenge to despair and death itself, banging on his chest like an animal that would NOT be buried, not yet.
In that moment, a cry rang out, breaking the night air like glass, like a ripple in a placid pond. One more life to save, one more weight for the scale. Zack didn't know if he could ever balance the weight that he now felt in the pit of his stomach, pulling on the fibers of his heart but he sent up a silent prayer to Psych, to wherever he was watching from, a promise to never, NEVER stop trying. He was up now, and nothing would ever knock him down.
"Dad?...Dad please..." Marigold said, her voice reduced to a whine as she pushed at his shoulder, digging the points of her legs against his shoulder as if desperate to provoke some reaction. Her father had totally shut up inside himself. he had fed her, bathed her, tucked her in at night the same as always but his smile had vanished. he walked the streets at night, listening for the sound of scream or shouts but there was none of the bantering joy in it for him anymore. It was like watching the man who had cradled her in his arms die right before her eyes and then just keep on living.
"I should have...I could have..." He said, bracing his face to his hands, tears sliding out over his cheeks again. The only two sentences he could bring himself to even half say anymore. Wracking his brain for some change he could have made, as if seeking out guilt to damn himself with. He had always been ready to make the sacrifice play, he had never relished the thought of hugging Marigold one last time and asking her to tell his mother he had been brave in the end, but at least he had been ready to do it, should push come to shove. What he hadn't been ready for was for someone else to take that play in his place. For a smart, noble, respectable man to give up everything in some small part so Zack wouldn't have to.
"...you could have died..." Marigold said, her voice breaking, the dam finally bursting. She buried her head in his chest, grabbing hold of his shoulders and just shattering in his arms, soaking the front of his coat in her tears. She had tried to be strong, to be positive, to be the kind of woman that she thought he was raising her to be. He looked down at her, shaken from staring off into the past for the first time in days, snapped back to reality as if not knowing where he was. "You could have died, I thought...I thought that he was going to take me away from you and I..." She stammered, remembering the way the Grandmaster had placed her greatest fear right in front of her face, ripping her hand away from her father's. She had nearly lost control, stopped pulling her punches, she had almost killed Weston, an innocent, before she would even think to let that happen. "I can't go on without you, dad...please...Psych saved us both and I can't...I can't live if this kills you too..." She said, trembling, her entire body shaking as her heart poured out onto him. She felt him twitch, picking up her eyes only a moment before he wrapped his arms around her, tears pouring from his cheeks as they embraced.
"I'm still here, bug...I'm still here..." He said, repeating it as if to make it real. Psych hadn't laid it all down so that Zack could just drag his feet through the rest of his life. He hadn't given up everything so that Zack could give up everything too. There was no point in letting the guilt and the hurt of that failure bury him because then... "it would have been for nothing...and I won't let it be for nothing..." He said, taking in a few deep breaths, pushing himself up to his feet on the eve of that rooftop with a snarl. He wouldn't let it kill him, he wouldn't allow it. "Psych buried that bastard, and I will not give him any ounce of satisfaction in hell knowing that he took me with him. Not for another second can he claim that victory." He says, zipping up his jacket, pulling his helmet down over his head. He looked out over that skyline and saw it, not the same way he used to but with the same fire and vigor in his eyes. His fists tightened hard enough to make his gloves creak. "I couldn't save him. Maybe I made a mistake somewhere I can't take back, maybe I had no hope of changing the outcome no matter what...doesn't matter. I won't forgive, I won't forget but I won't stand here and waste away either..." He said, louder now, shouting it into the night air as if making a challenge to despair and death itself, banging on his chest like an animal that would NOT be buried, not yet.
In that moment, a cry rang out, breaking the night air like glass, like a ripple in a placid pond. One more life to save, one more weight for the scale. Zack didn't know if he could ever balance the weight that he now felt in the pit of his stomach, pulling on the fibers of his heart but he sent up a silent prayer to Psych, to wherever he was watching from, a promise to never, NEVER stop trying. He was up now, and nothing would ever knock him down.